Pegasus forum
by Jammeke
Summary: Dr. Weir meant to create a forum for strictly professional purposes. The other expedition members have their own reasons for opening topics.
1. Season 1, part 1

**Title:** Pegasus' forum

**Author: **Jammeke

**Summary: **Dr. Weir meant to create a forum for strictly professional purposes. The other expedition members have their own reasons for opening topics.  
**  
Disclaimer: **Unfortunately, I don't own Stargate Atlantis.

**AN: **I will chronologically work my way through each season of Stargate Atlantis. Each chapter will be about five different episodes. The first chapter contains spoilers for Rising I + II, Hide and Seek, 38 Minutes and Suspicion.

**Members:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**Aidundun: **Aiden Ford  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Huge: **Halling  
**Goofy: **Peter Grodin  
**Lakersfan: **Bates

**Topic: Puddle Jumper! **_#__This topic has been blocked#  
_**Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-27-04  
Poll: Gate Ship or Puddle Jumper?  
**_**Result up to now: Gate Ship; 4 votes / Puddle Jumper; 17 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **I would once again like to point out that I do _not_ approve of the name Puddle Jumper. I see no reason to call a brilliant piece of technology by a ridiculous name. If we gather, say, 50 autographs and hand them over to Dr. Weir, she will have no choice but to listen to us. My suggestion would be: Gate Ship.

**Aidundun: **It _is_ actually kinda lame… I mean, we call them Jumpers all the time… but do they actually jump? Maybe we should call 'em flyers… or something… I dunno.

**Shep: **What are you talking about, McKay? Why don't you go get a life, seeing as you don't seem to have one.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh my, am I supposed to feel insulted?

**Shep: **No, you are supposed to take the hint. You don't get to rename anything. _I_ do. Period. End of story.

**Geniusatwork: **And why would _you_ get to name everything? I'm sure Ford feels the same way

**Liz38: **Major Sheppard and Dr. McKay, I have caught you committing a crime called spam. I will let you get off with a warning for now, but you had better watch it from this moment on.

oOo

**Topic: ****The call of duty  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-30-04  
Poll: Batman or Superman?  
**_**Results up to now: Batman; 1 votes / Superman; 52 votes**_

**Shep: **As most of you will probably know by now, I am the new Head of Military of Atlantis. Colonel Sumner has been… relieved of duty. So, I'd say it's about time I start acting like a military commander. The new schedules, along with a short list of basic rules, can be found pinned to the door to my office.

**YoursTruly: **I do not understand. Who is Batman? And who goes by the name of Superman?

**Geniusatwork: **Why, Batman, of course.

**Goofy: **Superman.

**IwearGLassEs: **Superman.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Superman.

**Geniusatwork: **By the way… you have an office?

oOo

**Topic: Dead man speaking  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-05-04  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **I would just like to point out that no one is to test yet _untested_ Ancient devices.

**Liz38: **Rodney...

**Shep: **Stop acting like an idiot and... stay alive, okay?

**Scotty: **I'm sorry for injecting ye with the artificial gene, Rodney...

**Geniusatwork: **What good is your apology gonna do me? Do you see me eating yet? No? God, I don't want to die…

oOo

**Topic: Removing Weir **#_This topic had been blocked#_  
**Posted by: Fairy Tailed Scientist  
Name: Calvin Kavanagh  
Posted: 10-06-04  
Poll: Weir or someone else?  
**_**Results up to now: Weir; 13 votes / Someone else; 1 votes **_

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **I feel it is my duty to inform everyone of the fact that Dr. Weir should not be leading this expedition. Since we are now cut off from Earth, I think it would be only reasonable to choose a new leader democratically.

**Shep: **Geez, I can't think of a better waste of time. 1, it's not possible and 2… it's not possible. We can't just choose a new leader like that. You didn't hear this from me, but… there are rules. And breaking them would cause a lot of trouble. Besides… I think Elizabeth's… doing a pretty good job, and everything.

**Liz38: **Why, thank you John. Dr. Kavanagh, I am afraid your idea has been rejected.

**YoursTruly: **I do not understand. Why would you choose a new leader? Would it not be natural for Elizabeth's child to take over her position?

**IwearGLassEs: **Doctor Weir does not have children. She would need a father, yes?

**Shep: **Are we seriously going to be discussing this matter?

**Geniusatwork: **Don't even think about it, Radek! You'd be old enough to be the child's grandfather.

**Liz38: **This conversation ends. Right. Here.

oOo

**Topic: Forbidden  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-20-04  
Poll: Have you ever been defibrillated?  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 38 votes**_

**Shep: **May I have everyone's attention, please? Thank you. You are not, I repeat _not _to encounter big ugly insects called Iratus Bugs. If you feel like disobeying my order: the moment you encounter an Iratus Bug, you are to turn around and run like hell. And whatever you do, don't shoot it! Just pour salt on it, or something...

**Scotty: **I don't think the insect's reaction ter gunfire is dangerous if it's no' attached to a human being, lad.

**Geniusatwork: **Yeah – and it's not like we feel like salting every insect we encounter, Major.

**Liz38: **John, maybe you should pay Kate a visit, because I believe you are suffering from Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

**Shrinkk38: **I have a free spot in my schedule this Friday at eight, Major.

**Shep: **Would you people please stop undermining my authority in public?

oOo

**Topic: Who dunnit? **#_This topic has been blocked#_  
**Posted by: Lakersfan  
Name: Sergeant Bates  
Posted: 10-29-04  
Poll: Athosians or one of us?  
**_**Results up to now: Athosians; 6 votes / Us; 0 votes**_

**Lakersfan: **I'm sorry to be so blunt about this, but we have a spy on Atlantis, people - and I would like to know who it is. I already suspect an Athosian is behind the treachery, but on the off chance that it's one of our people; could the perpetrator please report to me, so that we can sort this thing out? Thank you.

**Shep: **Nice, Bates. I'm sure they're going to take numbers and get in line outside your office right away.

**Geniusatwork: **Yes, I am sure the spy will come running toward you, genius.

**Huge: **If this is how we are to be treated, I see no reason to remain in this city.

**YoursTruly: **Maybe we should discuss this matter in person? We should certainly _not_ be accusing each other by means of a device called a lapdog.

oOo

**Topic: Steve  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 11-05-04  
Poll: Wraith or Goa'uld?  
**_**Results up to now: Wraith; 15 votes / Goa'uld; 9 votes**_

**Shep: **Dear personnel, this is your military commander speaking. We are currently keeping a wraith prisoner on this base. Do not taunt the prisoner, and, obviously, do not feed him. Also, stay away from the bars. Thank you.

**Goofy: **Steve?

**Geniusatwork: **Don't ask.

**Aidundun: **I dunno… he seems more like a Bob to me. Todd seems fitting as well…

**Shep: **Bob and Todd are not open for discussion, Lieutenant. They're as un-wraithy as it gets.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **_Why_ is there a wraith on our base?

**Geniusatwork: **Why are _you_ on our base? Seriously, enough with the stupid questions. And who the hell took the last brownie yesterday?

TBC…


	2. Season 1, part 2

**AN: **Thanks for the wonderful reviews.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for Childhood's End, Poisoning the Well, Home, Underground and the Storm.

**Members****:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**Aidundun: **Aiden Ford  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Huge: **Halling  
**Goofy: **Peter Grodin  
**Lakersfan: **Bates  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell

**Topic: ZPM  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 11-18-04  
Poll: American Football or Canadian Ice hockey?  
**_**Results up to now: American Football; 60 votes / Canadian Ice hockey; 2 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **May I have everyone's attention, please? The ZedPM on M7G-677 turned out to be useless to us. That does not change the fact that we are in desperate need of a Zero Point Module, people, so find another one.

**Scotty: **Rodney, didn't ye tell me tha' planet was inhabited by wee children?

**Shep: **Yes, it was. We couldn't have used that ZPM, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Did you not just read what I typed down? _Of course _we couldn't have used it: it was _useless _to us. But that's not the point. We need other ones.

**Shep: **Whatever. I have reports to write.

**Liz38: **Then I expect quite the pile on my desk tomorrow, John. As of yet, you have turned in no reports at all.

**Shep: **I am aware of that, busy now.

**Geniusatwork: **Could we please stay focused? What does everyone else think?

**ChuckDuck: **Canadian Ice hockey.

oOo

**Topic:**** The Hoffan drug  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 01-09-05  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **From what I understand, more than 50 percent of the Hoffan population were willing to sacrifice the lives of their own people. Should I be worried about possible future votes in our city?

**IwearGLassEs: **No, no - I would never… no, who knows who - I mean… to think of… no. Definitely no. No.

**Geniusatwork: **Depends on what we have to vote on, er?

**Lakersfan: **It would depend on the situation.

**Goofy: **I hate to state the obvious, but do Bates and McKay actually agree on this point?

**Geniusatwork: **Warm water to your quarters will be cut off for two weeks, Grodin.

**YoursTruly: **I believe Doctor Weir should be the one to make the final decision if a similar situation presents itself to the inhabitants of Atlantis.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Oh please…

**Shep: **Are you deliberately searching for trouble, Kav?

oOo

**Topic: Weird fog thing  
Posted by: Aidundun  
Name: Aiden Ford  
Posted: 02-14-05  
Poll: Chuck or Grodin****  
**_**Results up to now: Chuck; 12 votes / Grodin; 14 votes**_

**Aidundun: **So, that was weird.

**Shep: **You don't say. I actually saw dead people… _And_ I caught Teyla drinking beer. That image really gave the whole fake reality away.

**YoursTruly: **Was I not the only real person in your reality, Major?

**Shep: **Oh... right.

**Scotty: **And I've seen none of ye in my infirmary so far, even though ye've all been unconscious for hours. I want ter see ye all before lunchtime.

**Geniusatwork: **Now that you mention it, my knee is a little sore. Oh, and Ford, it was not actually fog, remember?

**Shep: **I think I'm a little busy this morning, Carson - so if you don't mind…

**Scotty: **I have needles!

oOo

**Topic: Coffee  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 03-07-05  
Poll: Coffee or tea?  
**_**Results up to now: Coffee; 65 votes / tea; 2 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **I hate to break it to you people, but we're almost out of coffee. We need to act sooner rather than later.

**IwearGLassEs: **I agree. Situation's becoming desperate.

**Liz38: **We already have a mission planned, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Thank God!

oOo

**Topic: Not lost  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 03-10-05  
Poll: Genii or Wraith  
**_**Results up to now: Genii; 23 votes / Wraith; 0 votes**_

**Shep: **I was not.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh please, you _so _were!

oOo

**Topic: Appointments  
Posted by: Shrinkk38  
Name: Kate Heightmeyer  
Posted: 03-17-05  
Poll: None**

**Shrinkk38: **Dear fellow expedition members, it has come to my attention that many of you are dealing with a lot of stress. Dr. Weir and I have decided that each member of this expedition is to set an appointment with me once a month. There will be no skipping turns. Thank you for your attention.

**Shep: **Elizabeth?

**Liz38: **Yes, John. You, too.

**YoursTruly: **Technically, I am not a member of this expedition…

**Geniusatwork: **Oh my, when even Teyla starts rebelling, it must be bad.

**Aidundun: **This is messed up.

**Shep: **You can say that again.

**Aidundun: **This is messed up.

oOo

**Topic: Approaching storm  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 04-22-05  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **Dear personnel. I hate to make you aware of the fact that a storm is heading towards Atlantis as I write this message. Fortunately, we are welcome to stay with the Manarians until the worst has passed. Atlantis will be evacuated within three hours. Pack your things and make your way over to the Gate Room as quickly as possible. Thank you.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **So what... We are running from a storm now?

**Shep: **Are you volunteering to stay behind?

**Geniusatwork: **He's _so_ not. If he stays, I'm gone. You choose.

**Shep: **Tough one…

**YoursTruly: **Should you not be packing your things, instead of arguing like children? And Major, could you fly me over to the mainland so that I can help with the evacuation of my people?

**Shep: **Sorry - I'm a little busy at the moment. Carson's gonna be your pilot.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh my, you can't please the Scottish guy more.

**Aidundun: **I'll join them and make sure the doc doesn't die because of a heart attack.

**Scotty: **Ye're too kind.

TBC…


	3. Season 1, part 3

**AN: **Thanks for the reviews, everyone!

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Eye, the Defiant One, Hot Zone, Before I sleep and Sanctuary.

**Members****:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**Aidundun: **Aiden Ford  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Huge: **Halling  
**Goofy: **Peter Grodin  
**Lakersfan: **Bates  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell

**Topic: Well done  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 04-23-05  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **I would like to congratulate all personnel on a job well done. The evacuation went smoothly, the Genii were shown the exit, and the city has been saved. I'd like to give everyone the rest of this day off.

**Shep: **Shouldn't McKay be out there fixing the flooded areas right now?

**Geniusatwork: **I just saved your ass , Major. Shouldn't you be showing a little more gratitude?

**Shep: **Well, if you hadn't told Kolya about the plan, I wouldn't have had to save _anyone's _ass - including yours.

**Aidundun: **Nono, I saved McKay. You did Weir.

**Liz38: **Does it ever stop with you people?

**Shep: **Not a chance…

**Aidundun: **Nuh uh.

oOo

**Topic: Codes  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 04-24-05  
Poll: Lemons suck  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 1 votes / No; 16 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **May I have everyone's attention, please? Your personal identification code was created for _you _specifically, not for small Genii armies or filthy Manarians. Keep your IDC to yourself, people - we do not want a repeat of what happened yesterday. Thank you.

**YoursTruly: **Surely you do not mean to imply that my fellow Athosian provided the Genii with his identification code on purpose?

**Shep: **He's just saying we need to be more careful. And I, erm, agree.

**Scotty: **Don't bother giving me a code, then. I'm terrible at withstanding torture.

**Geniusatwork: **Just…

**Liz38: **We know what you're getting at, Rodney.

oOo

**Topic: Super Wraith  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 05-03-05  
Poll: Earth or Lantia?  
**_**Results up to now: Earth; 34 votes / Lantia; 13 votes **_

**Shep: **Am I the only one who noticed it took a lot to kill that wraith?

**Geniusatwork: **Hm, yes… you need to work on your aim, Major.

**Shep: **I didn't miss, McKay. I put at least twenty bullets into him. I even blew him up at one point. He just wouldn't die.

**Geniusatwork: **I thought you said you blew _yourself _up?

**Shep: **_Almost_. I almost blew myself up. How was I supposed to know what a Wraith grenade looks like?

**Aidundun: **You almost blew yourself up?

**Geniusatwork: **The wraith also taught him how to fly without wings, a Jumper or helping wheels. The Major managed to gain a lot of altitude, it looked quite impressive.

**Scotty: **Major Sheppard, please report to the infirmary, NOW!

oOo

**Topic: New enemy  
Posted by: Aidundun  
Name: Aiden Ford  
Posted: 05-29-05  
Poll: Prime/Not prime sucks  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 67 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**Aidundun: **A bunch of nanites just tried to kill us... Have we found ourselves a new enemy?

**Fairly Tailed Scientist: **Puh-lease. It was just a virus.

**Geniusatwork: **Do I need to remind you of the fact that viruses are usually created by someone?

**Shep: **Who would create something freaky like that? And how the hell did the lab get infected with it? Do you think it was an evil Ancient who wanted to destroy his own kind?

**Scotty: **It didn't affect people with the Ancient gene, remember? The nanites were meant to kill average humans.

**Shep: **Doctor Evil, then?

**Aidundun: **Average?

oOo

**Topic: Birthday  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 06-13-05** **  
Poll: None **

**Liz38: **How did you find out?

**Shep: **Wouldn't you like to know...

**Liz38: **I'll figure it out eventually.

**Shep: **Good luck with that.

oOo

**Topic: ZPM's  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 06-15-05  
Poll: 1 ZPM or 2 ZPM's?  
**_**Results up to now: 1 ZPM; 0 votes / 2 ZPM's; 25 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **The old Elizabeth gave us a list of planets with ZedPM's. Why haven't we left to retrieve them yet?

**Liz38: **All in good time, Rodney.

**Shep: **Are you okay?

**Liz38: **Well, I'm still dealing with the fact that I've watched myself die. But I'll be fine, Major, thank you.

**IwearGLassEs: **I er... am here for you, Dr. Weir.

**Shrinkk38: **Dare I suggest you make an appointment?

**Geniusatwork: **Radek and Kate; don't kick the lady when she's down.

oOo

**Topic: Kirk  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-04-05  
Poll: Sheppard will end up with Chaya/Teyla/Elizabeth/Else?  
**_**Results up to now: Chaya; 6 votes / Teyla; 20 votes / Elizabeth; 24 votes / Else; 9 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Did you sleep with her?

**Shep: **Geez, McKay…

**Aidundun: **It's a shame she couldn't help us.

**Liz38: **John, did you also vote?

**Shep: **Yup, and no… not telling you.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Is it true? Did Sheppard sleep with the Ancient bimbo? Did she leave us because of his awful performance in bed?

**Goofy: **Oh no, now you've done it.

**ChuckDuck: **Poor guy…

oOo

**Topic: Regarding Dr. Calvin Kavanagh  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 07-04-05  
Poll: None **

**Liz38: **Doctor Calvin Kavanagh, you'll be on laundry duty for the next three months, starting tomorrow morning at 6 o'clock. Don't be late.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh dear, I think I've accidentally shut off power to his room.

**Aidundun: **Because Dr. Kavanagh is a civilian - and therefore my responsibility - I think I ought to teach him how to defend himself. Shall I start fighting sessions with him tomorrow, sir?

**YoursTruly: **I would love to teach him how to spar.

**Shep: **Permission granted, Ford. And… thanks guys ;)

TBC…


	4. Season 1, part 4

**AN: **Thanks for the wonderful reviews. You guys are spoiling me...  
**  
Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Brotherhood, Letters from Pegasus, The Gift, and The Siege 1+II.

**Members****:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**Aidundun: **Aiden Ford  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Huge: **Halling  
**Goofy: **Peter Grodin  
**Lakersfan: **Bates  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Everettt: **Colonel Everett

**Topic: Digging  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 08-08-05  
Poll: Canadian football is a joke  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 34 votes / No; 5 votes**_

**Shep: **Dear expedition members, my team and I are very close to discovering a hidden ZPM. Unfortunately, if we want to find it - we are going to have to do a lot of digging. Who would be willing to lend us a hand. Or two?

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **_Please_. I'm a brilliant scientist, do you really expect me to dig a hole for you? Didn't the likes of you come along for the dirty work, Major?

**Shep: **Elizabeth?

**Liz38: **I am sorry John, I can't force him to help you.

**Geniusatwork: **Why not?

**Shrinkk38: **Because although misusing her authority may feel satisfying to her in the beginning, feelings of guilt will likely catch up with her afterwards. As leader of this facility, Dr. Weir shouldn't have to carry unnecessary burdens.

**Liz38: **That's one way of putting it…

oOo

**Topic: Wraith armada  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 08-15-05  
Poll: None **

**Liz38:** Dear members of this expedition, I'd like to make you all aware of the fact that a wraith armada is on its way to Atlantis as I write this message. I want options. If you so much as _think _you might be onto something; please do not hesitate to contact me.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Dr. McKay?

**Geniusatwork: **Yes, yes… working, thank you!

**Shep: **Work faster!

oOo

**Topic: Video Messages  
Posted by: Aidundun  
Name: Aiden Ford  
Posted: 08-17-05  
Poll: McDonald's or Burger King?  
**_**Results up to now: McDonald's; 45 votes / Burger King; 13 votes**_

**Aidundun: **Hi folks. So, McKay says maybe we can dial Earth and send them a message. I'm going to go 'round Atlantis to record personal messages. Think of what you want to say in advance, because that will make my job a lot easier.

**Goofy: **I like McDonalds better.

**Geniusatwork: **I don't know… Burger King has the Whopper.

**Shep: **SO? McDonald's has the Big Mac!

**ChuckDuck: **He's right, McDonald's all the way!

**Shrinkk38: **Burger King.

**Liz38: **Can I say Subway?

**Shep: **No.

oOo

**Topic: Compromise **#_This topic has been blocked# _**  
Posted by: Lakersfan  
Name: Sergeant Bates  
Posted: 08-24-05  
Poll: None**

**Lakersfan: **Teyla Emmagan, the Athosian, has Wraith DNA. Her wraith abilities could provide us with a tactical advantage, yes - but they could also get us into danger. I believe we should dispose of the Athosians sooner rather than later.

**Huge: **You ignorant man. I warn you. Do not make me come over to Atlantis.

**Liz38: **Sergeant! I am hereby blocking this topic!

oOo

**Topic: False alarm + new alarm  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 08-24-05  
Poll: None **

**Shep: **Please ignore what Sergeant Bates just told you. Teyla is NOT endangering this base. So - stop accusing the Athosians and start coming up with brilliant and much needed plans.

**Liz38: **I would like to add that we have little time, people.

**Aidundun: **_Very _little time.

**YoursTruly: **We are all about to die.

**Geniusatwork: **YES! YES! YES! I am working on it. Geez. Oh and Teyla, obvious much?

oOo

**Topic: Change of command  
Posted by: Everettt  
Name: Colonel Everett  
Posted: 08-29-05  
Poll: None **

**Everettt: **As of right now, I am the new military officer and leader of this base. All military personnel: please report to me ASAP. Civilian contractors who would like to help in defending this city against the Wraith are welcome to come to my office as well.

oOo

**Topic: What's happening?  
Posted by: ChuckDuck  
Name: Chuck Campbell  
Posted: 08-30-05  
Poll: Everett or Sheppard?  
**_**Results up to now: Everett; 6 votes / Sheppard; 79 votes**_

**ChuckDuck: **Okay - so I (as well as many other civilians, by the way) am stuck on the alpha site and I don't have a clue what's happening. What's going on?

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Are we winning?

**Shrinkk38: **How is the base holding up?

**IwearGLassEs: **Are shields operational?

**Shep: **We are a little busy fighting Wraith right now, people… We'll catch up la-

TBC…


	5. Season 2, part 1

**AN:**I made a few changes in the member list, so it would be wise to skim through it before reading the actual story.  
**  
Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Siege III, Intruder, Runner, Duet and Condemned.

**Members:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell

**Topic: Victory  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 09-12-05  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **I am pleased to announce that the Wraith believe our city was destroyed. For the time being, we are safe on Atlantis. I think everyone has done a wonderful job, and I am proud of each and every one of you.

**Shep: **I have something to add to this message. Lieutenant Ford may have left Atlantis in a Puddle Jumper, but he's still out there. I want every SG-team to look out for him on missions.

**Geniusatwork: **Kavanagh, if you don't get down to the labs in one hour, I will personally drag you down here by your ponytail and trust me, it's not going to be pretty.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **But I am tired. These last few days have been very hard on me, I deserve some rest.

**Shep: **It's a good thing you were here to save Atlantis from the Wraith while we were all relaxing in our beds.

**Geniusatwork: **You have three minutes left…

oOo

**Topic: Promoted  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-28-05  
Poll: Two weeks on the Daedalus suck  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 1 votes **_

**Shep: **Hi folks. I'm pleased to announce I've been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. This means I will remain military commander of Atlantis. Dear Marines, soldiers, Air Force people and other military guys: there's a list of rules pinned to the door of my office.

**YoursTruly: **Colonel, I believe your speech in the Mess Hall the other day already made everyone aware of your promotion.

**Shep: **Yeah, but maybe someone missed it.

oOo

**Topic: Sunscreen  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 11-08-05  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **Listen up, people. Some of us, myself included, will be going to a planet where the U.V. index during the day is something like a thousand, I believe we should at least _try_ to protect ourselves. Because it's fairly obvious ordinary sunscreen isn't going to do us any good, I've made some incredibly good sunscreen myself: _protection factor 100 + Cacao butter smell_. Contact me if you want to buy a portion.

**Scotty: **A hundred? Are ye out of yer bloody mind?

**Shep:** So _that's _why your complexion is as white as a bottle of milk.

oOo

**Topic: Complicated situation  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 11-30-05  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **Can I have everyone's attention, please? Dr. McKay's body is currently harbouring two consciousnesses, because he is sharing his body with Lt. Cadman. We are working on the problem.

**Botatanist: **Rodney?

**Geniusatwork: **I am sorry, Katie, I - I love you - shut up, Cadman and let me finish my - even though I am carrying another mind inside me, there is no doubt that my feelings for you - okay, shut up; I would never put it like that and besides, I don't - I love y - knock it off!

**Scotty: **We'll sort this out, Rodney, don't worry.

**IwearGLassEs: **Still no luck. The mice burned to death.

**Scotty: **Like I said; we'll sort this out.

oOo

**Topic: New team member  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 12-03-05  
Poll: McKay was more likeable with Cadman inside him.  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 34 votes / No; 3 votes**_

**Shep: **Okay, I think it hasn't escaped anyone's attention that a new guy has joined our expedition team. I suggest you get used to his presence, because he's the new member of my team. His name is Ronon Dex. He may look a bit scary and large and intimidating, but I think he's harmless if you act normal around him. So... don't try anything stupid, and for God's sake; don't touch his gun.

**Cadgirl: **I'VE GOT MY OWN BODY BACK! Oh, and... I like his hair.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Have you people gone crazy? I mean, look at the guy. He has bones hanging around his neck!

**Geniusatwork: **Don't judge the book by its cover, Kavanagh. We only started judging _you _after we got to know you.

**DeX: **Yeah, that was a mistake.

**Geniusatwork: **Who taught Conan how to use a computer?

**YoursTruly: **I take full credit for it.

**Geniusatwork: **Sheppard, why have you turned our aliens all Earthy?

oOo

**Topic: Eating habits  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 12-21-05  
Poll: Ronon looks like a monkey  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 1 votes / No; 98 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Seriously big guy, you can't go around eating strange things off-world. Like I said back on the planet; it could have been their laundry.

**DeX: **It was fine.

**Shep: **He managed to survive all these years without you, McKay. I think he knows what's good for him.

**Geniusatwork: **This is not just about survival, okay? It is about manners as well.

**Scotty: **I reckon he's got a good immunity system, so I wouldn't worry too much. And it can't be much worse than the blue Jell-O they feed ye in the Mess Hall.

**YoursTruly: **Is it really necessary to start an argument about his eating habits? I am certain Ronon will continue to eat what he believes is good for him, so it does not matter. Or, as your people would put it, what is the point?

**Geniusatwork: **All right, shutting up. Hey, am I the only person who's voted 'yes'? Oh come on, you're all just afraid of him. Seriously, you can vote anonymously.

oOo

**Topic: Another Jumper  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 12-21-05  
Poll: None**

**Shep:** People, we lost another good Jumper today. Just… be careful with the ones we have left, okay? Because I'd rather we don't run out of Puddle Jumpers.

**LoOrne: **With all due respect, sir… you've lost the Jumper yourself.

**Shep: **I am your Commanding Officer, Lorne. Don't go rubbing things in my face, or I'll have you salute each time we cross paths.

**LoOrne: **Shutting up, sir.

**Cadgirl: **Geez, I don't even know how to salute anymore…

**Shep: **Well, practice when you're off the clock, because there's always a chance you run into Caldwell around here.

oOo

**Topic: Rescue  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 12-21-05  
Poll: Arrows are just as bad as guns  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 5 votes / No; 17 votes **_

**Shep: **By the way, thanks for the rescue, guys. And Elizabeth, I'm not sure I like the fact that you went off world without me.

**Liz38: **If I would go off-world with you, I would get captured _alongside_ you.

**Shep: **Point taken.

**LoOrne: **You're welcome, sir.

**YoursTruly: **I still find it difficult to believe that some are willing to sacrifice their own people to save themselves.

**Geniusatwork: **Hey, I am the first to admit: nobody's flawless.

**Shep: **Doc, I think McKay hit his head in the Jumper crash. Could you take a look at him?

oOo


	6. Season 2, part 2

**AN: **It seems you want more Ronon lines and longer conversations. I tried to keep your wishes in mind while writing this chapter. Thanks for the reviews!

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for Trinity, Instinct, Conversion, Aurora and The Lost Boys.

**Members****:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell

**Topic: Bored  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 01-14-06  
Poll: None**

**DeX:** Do people do things around here?

**Shep: **Besides beating the crap out of each other in the Gym, you mean?

**DeX: **Yeah…

**Shep: **No, that's pretty much it. Well - of course, there's also science and stuff like that; nothing too interesting. Don't worry, big guy. Our next mission is planned two weeks from now.

**DeX:**

**Geniusatwork: **I think he just growled at you.

oOo

**Topic: KABOOM!****  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 01-05-06  
Poll: McKay blew up: A) Five sixth or B) three quarters of the solar system?  
**_**Results up to now: A; 32 votes / B; 1 votes**_

**Shep: **I don't know whether to be angry or impressed, McKay. But… never do that again.

**Geniusatwork: **Well, that's a shame, because I was planning on blowing up another solar system tomorrow. And Colonel - why the need to humiliate me in public?

**Shep: **Why the need to use my trust to get what you want _in public_?

**YoursTruly: **Whatever issues you two have to work out, please do so quickly.

**DeX: **What she said.

**Shep: **So…

**Geniusatwork:** Yeah…

**Shep: **All right. Okay. Let's just forget this ever happened.

**Geniusatwork: **Agreed. I mean, it was only just a solar system.

**Shep: **Not even a whole one…

**IwearGLassEs: **I think all is well again.

**Liz38: **Now let's see whether that's a good thing or not...

oOo

**Topic: Retrovirus  
Posted by: Scotty  
Name: Carson Beckett  
Posted: 02-01-06  
Poll: None**

**Scotty:** All right. I must warn ye, the retrovirus is far from finished and I do not recommend using it on the wraith girl.

**Shep: **Doc… Everyone's waiting for you back on the planet, no one is going to read this and… why _did_ you even post this message?

**Scotty: **Just in case something goes wrong; then no one can say it's my fault.

**Shep: **Nothing is going to go wrong, doc.

oOo

**Topic: Regarding Colonel Sheppard  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 02-05-06  
Poll: None **

**Liz38:** Dear personnel, you are not to visit Colonel Sheppard in his quarters. There have been some retrovirus complications. He may have been compromised, and we do not want to take unnecessary risks. There are guards posted outside his quarters; you are not to try to take a look up close. Thank you for your attention.

**DeX: **Explains why he beat me at running.

**Geniusatwork: **It still doesn't explain the hair, though.

**YoursTruly: **I must admit he was behaving… most unlike himself earlier.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **The man is turning into a bug? Are you kidding me?

**Geniusatwork: **Why the hell would anyone want to amuse you?

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **It was a rhetorical question, McKay.

**LoOrne: **I am sure Beckett will figure something out.

**Shrinkk38: **Maybe we could discuss the issue in a group session?

**DeX: **No.

**Geniusatwork: **I find myself agreeing with the guy with the dreadlocks.

**Caldwelll: **Attention, all personnel. I, Colonel Caldwell, will be replacing Lt. Colonel Sheppard as military commander of this base for the time being. A new set of rules has been launched. They can be found on the pinboard in the Mess Hall.

**ChuckDuck: **Colonel Caldwell, if you do not know how to open a new topic, you should ask someone for help, instead of posting things at random.

**Geniusatwork: **Score one for the technician.

oOo

**Topic: ****I'm me again  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 02-12-06  
Poll: I could have beaten Ronon without the retrovirus.  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 0 votes / No; 46 votes**_

**Shep: **This message is for everyone who hasn't seen my remarkable un-bluish complexion yet: I'm me again. I'd like to thank the people who sent me flowers, cards, fruit baskets and candy over the last few days. I really appreciate your concern.

**Cadgirl: **It's good to have you back, sir.

**LoOrne: **Ditto, sir.

**Geniusatwork: **They sent you candy? Where did they get that??

**DeX: **No.

**Shep: **Yes.

**DeX: **No.

**Shep: **Well, possibly.

**DeX: **No.

**Shep: **Fine, fine… I couldn't have. You happy now?

**DeX: **Yeah.

oOo

**Topic: Wraith inside the virtual reality  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 03-26-06  
Poll: White does not look good on John Sheppard  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 56 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Okay, so that was disturbing.

**Shep: **The fact that there was a wraith inside the virtual reality or the fact that it was blond one?

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, har har.

**Liz38: **I feel sorry for the crew of the Aurora.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **Why are you people using this forum to ramble about things we don't understand?

**ChuckDuck: **I think it's funny.

**Shrinkk38: **This forum provides people with a chance to express their feelings. Other people do not need to understand them.

**LoOrne: **Besides, if you don't understand the posts; why are you always posting comments, Doctor?

**Geniusatwork: **Major, I think I'm starting to like you. But I will never forgive you for allowing Ford to capture me!

**LoOrne: **I got stunned! There was nothing I could have done!

**YoursTruly: **I believe I understand what Dr. Kavanagh was trying to say.

**DeX: **Anyone care about what he says?

**Geniusatwork: **Of course we do. It's just that we don't.

**Shep: **Well put.

oOo

**Topic: Swimming  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 04-29-06  
Pole: Ronon looks like that guy from Baywatch.  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 13 votes / No; 34 votes**_

**Shep: **Bonjour! Okay, the weather's good, the sun is shining, the temperature of the water is nice, and... we have Dr. Weir's permission to swim, if we stick together and promise not to drown. Tomorrow at nine, we gather at the West-Pier. Bring your swimming suit!

**DeX: **What's Baywatch?

**YoursTruly: **The Colonel showed me an episode once... I do not believe you want an answer to your question.

**Shep: **If you join us tomorrow, we can see who's voted correctly, big guy.

**Fairy Tailed Scientist: **He does not resemble 'that guy' in the slightest. And I know what I'm talking about, because I'm a loyal watcher of the show.

**Geniusatwork: **That's just wrong. On _so _many levels.

oOo

**Topic: Missing  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 05-16-06  
Poll: This base is too quiet with SGA-1 missing.  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 78 votes / No; 1 votes**_

**Liz38: **As most of you probably know by now, Colonel Sheppard's team is missing. I'd like every team to keep an eye out for them off-world. If you have _any _idea about where they might be, please report to me immediately.

**IwearGLassEs: **It's quiet in the labs without McKay…

**ChuckDuck: **I think I miss them.

**Shrinkk38: **Do you feel rejected by them?

**Liz38: **Kate… I don't think this is the place for _that_ kind of talk.

**Huge: **Is there any way we can help?

**Liz38: **If you could ask your off-world contacts whether they've seen _any _trace of SGA-1, that would be greatly appreciated.

**LoOrne: **I hate to sound so pessimistic here, but… what if they don't come back? I can't be the CO of Atlantis.

**Cadgirl: **Won't Colonel Caldwell take over?

**Scotty: **Dear Lord.

**LoOrne: **Okay, I'm heading out to look for them again.

**Cadgirl: **Me too. And search harder.

**ChuckDuck: **Can I go, too?

**Liz38: **No.

**Botatanist: **What about me?

**Liz38: **People, I don't think Caldwell is going to take over anytime soon.

**IwearGLassEs: **Oh, thank God. I hate going off-world.

**Caldwelll: **Is there something I should know?

TBC…


	7. Season 2, part 3

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Hive, Epiphany, Critical Mass, Grace under Pressure and the Tower.

**Members****:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell

**Topic: Found  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 05-28-06  
Poll: None **

**Liz38:** I think you'll all be glad to know that Colonel Sheppard's team has made it back to Atlantis, and that they are all relatively unharmed.

**Shep: **Did anything interesting happen while we were gone?

**LoOrne: **Do you want a list, sir? Our search teams covered about fifty planets while you were missing - absolutely in vain, I might add - and a _lot_ of things happened.

**Shep: **I hereby forbid you to hand in mission reports, Major. And the same goes for the other off-world teams.

**Liz38: **Colonel?

**Shep: **Oh, come on… I need a break.

**Cadgirl: **I am sure Stargate Command will be very understanding to your position, sir.

**LoOrne: **Well… with General O'Neill in charge, you could always give it a shot.

**Cadgirl: **I'm thinking General Landy is going to be a lot harder to amuse than General O'Neill.

**Geniusatwork: **With the job comes paperwork, Sheppard. Get used to it.

**Shep: **I am a _pilot_, for crying out loud. This is _not_ what I signed up for.

oOo

**Topic: Guards  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 05-28-06  
Poll: Kanayo is a terrible name!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 67 votes / No; 3 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Did I tell you I knocked out two guards all by myself? And did I mention they were _huge_?

**DeX: **Yes, McKay. You did.

**YoursTruly: **Several times.

oOo

**Topic: Life's good  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 06-09-06  
Poll: Ferris wheel or Rollercoaster?  
**_**Results up to now: Ferris wheel; 24 votes / Rollercoaster; 56 votes **_

**Shep: **You know - when you find yourself forced to spend six months among meditating natives, you really start to appreciate what you have. So, although life is a bit hard sometimes - life on Atlantis is pretty damn good, people. I just wanted to let you know.

**Scotty: **It must've been awful for ye, son.

**DeX: **Next time you step through a portal, I'm going with you.

**Geniusatwork: **I'm still trying to understand the point of posting this.

**Shrinkk38: **I believe this is Colonel Sheppard's way of stating that he has missed you.

**Geniusatwork: **Hm… well, that's kind of… nice.

**YoursTruly: **We are all very happy to have you back, Colonel.

**Liz38: **Is the beard gone?

**Shep: **Yup, and never coming back, I might add.

**DeX: **You have something against beards?

**Geniusatwork: **I think you just insulted Conan, Sheppard.

**Sheppard: **His beard is more like a goatee, really.

oOo

**Topic: Kids  
Posted by: IwearGLassEs  
Name: Radek Zelenka  
Posted: 06-14-06  
Poll: Rodney is evil  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 45 votes **_

**IwearGLassEs: **Rodney is making me go to a planet with kids.

**ChuckDuck: **And the problem with that would be?

**IwearGLassEs: **I-can-not-handle-kids!

**LoOrne: **Well, this is your chance to practice your skills, Doc.

**IwearGLassEs: **Jezisi, ja s tema hercema nemuzu delat!

**DeX: **What'd he say?

**Geniusatwork: **No one knows. We assume it's Czech, but we're not completely sure.

oOo

**Topic: Bomb  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 06-15-06  
Poll: We are all going to die  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 56 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Okay, there's a bomb in this city and I want to know where it is! Would the terrorist please report their position immediately, or better yet; the position of the bomb, because I'd rather not sit around and wait for the thing to explode.

**ChuckDuck: **I didn't do it.

**Shep: **Well... that's one suspect less. Assuming of course he didn't lie.

**Geniusatwork: **Not helping, Colonel.

**Shep: **I had no intention to, McKay.

oOo

**Topic: Goa'uld  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 06-16-06  
Poll: None **

**Shep: **Okay people, we seriously need to start getting worried here, because a Goa'uld just made it to Atlantis. Who knows what else could come over from the Milky Way…

**Geniusatwork: **Dr. Phill?

**Scotty: **I don't think we're there yet, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, you just wait.

oOo

**Topic: Columbus was Italian, right?  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 06-22-06  
Poll: None  
**_**  
**_**Geniusatwork: **Columbus was Italian, right?

**Shep: **Er…

**Scotty: **Aye, Rodney; he was Italian. Dare I ask why ye asked this question?

**Geniusatwork: **Just something Griffin brought up.

**Scotty: **That must've one bloody interesting conversation.

**Geniusatwork: **You don't know the half of it. I mean, poisonous tomatoes? Me being Spanish? Need I go on?

**Scotty: **No, lad, I'll take your word for it.

oOo

**Topic: Reminder  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 06-22-06  
Poll: We should call the whale Willy  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 14 votes**_

**Shep: **You know, McKay. You never thanked us for rescuing you.

**Geniusatwork: **Yeah, right. And what's the next step? Start thanking the whale for leading you to me?

**Liz38: **Whatever makes you happy. But don't feed it.

**LoOrne: **Willy, as in Free Willy, Sir?

**Shep: **That's the one.

**Geniusatwork: **I've already named it Sam.

**YoursTruly: **Why?

**Geniusatwork: **Personal reasons…

**DeX: **Those whales. They make good food?

**Shep: **Great minds think alike. I was just wondering the same thing.

**Liz38: **There will be no capturing whales, gentlemen.

**Geniusatwork: **Great minds? It's more like 'people with ridiculous haircuts' think alike.

**Shep: **We take great offence to that.

**DeX: **Ridiculous hair's better than no hair.

**Geniusatwork: **I'll have you know I still have my hair, Chewie.

**Shep: **Well, some of it, anyway. I'd say half.

oOo

**Topic: King Sheppard of the backwater planet  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-01-06  
Poll: Sheppard **_**is**_** Kirk  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 45 votes / No; 9 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Does it ever stop with you? I mean, Kirking plain girls isn't good enough for you? You need to start Kirking princesses now?

**Scotty: **Colonel - one word: protection?

**DeX: **He was under guard.

**LoOrne: **I don't think that's what the doc meant, Ronon.

**Liz38: **Did you two really like each other that much?

**Geniusatwork: **Oh please, she was just after his genes.

**Shep: **_Nothing_ happened. And geez, Carson - I'm not stupid. By the way, it's none of your concern.

**Scotty: **As your medical doctor, I beg to differ.

**Liz38: **Could we end this conversation right here?

**YoursTruly: **I could not agree more.

oOo

**Topic: Supplies  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 07-03-06  
Poll: None **

**Shep: **Listen up, people: if the Daedalus has to transport _any more _personal items, she will drop out of the sky. Of course, everyone's allowed extra shampoo or a new towel every now and then, but season 2 of Desperate Housewives, a Bonsai Tree or a pool table are not valuable to the success of this expedition. From now on, you have to get permission from either Dr. Weir or myself before you send a request to Colonel Caldwell.

**Scotty: **I'm guessing this means the rubber duck is off the table.

**Geniusatwork: **Carson? Seriously?! Moving on to important matters: how about my Senseo?

**Shep: **That'd be a no.

**LoOrne: **You do realize you are going to be overwhelmed with requests, sir?

**Shep: **I'm sure Elizabeth will be more than willing to handle three quarters of them.

**Liz38: **I'm sure she won't.

**DeX: **I can't have Battlestar Galactica?

**Shep: **Don't worry, big guy. I have everything that's been released on DVD so far.

**YoursTruly: **How about Harry Potter?

oOo


	8. Season 2, part 4

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Long Goodbye, Coup d'etat, Michael, Inferno and Allies.

**Members****: **

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Fairy Tailed Scientist**: Calvin Kavanagh  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell

**T****opic: Box  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 07-03-06  
Poll: None **

**DeX: **We watch Battlestar Galactica on the box?

**Shep: **Yep, when we were talking about TV's, we meant the same things you watch your favorite shows on.

**DeX: **I thought they were DVD's?

**Shep: **Well, you need a TV, or a box - as you call it – to watch DVD's. You watch DVD's on the DVD-player and because that's a long name, some people call the thing a DVD. A DVD(-player) doesn't work without a TV, so you need the 'box' to watch action movies and science fiction on DVD.

**Geniusatwork: **Don't make this any harder than it has to be, Sheppard.

**YoursTruly: **I believe I am now convinced that watching a box can actually be engaging.

**Shep:** Mission accomplished.

oOo

**Topic: That kiss  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-05-06  
Poll: Elizabeth's hair is getting longer  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 48 votes / No; 7 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Okay everyone… knock yourselves out.

**LoOrne: **I wish I could have been there to see it.

**IwearGLassEs: **How long did it last?

**Scotty: **It's hard ter tell for sure, but I'd say twenty seconds?

**Geniusatwork: **Longer.

**Cadgirl: **Aw, that's so sweet. Oh and hey - Elizabeth finally got to kiss someone!

**Liz38: **I beg your pardon?

**Shrinkk38: **How was he?

**YoursTruly: **Colonel Sheppard is not that good a kisser.

**Geniusatwork: **Teyla?

**Shep: **Teyla!

**YoursTruly: **I am sorry, John. But this was too good an opportunity.

**Liz38: **Do I even want to know?

**Shep: **I can assure you that _you _were a much better kisser…

**Liz38: **Flattery will get you nowhere, mister, nor will changing the subject.

**YoursTruly: **He was under the influence of the retrovirus at the time, Elizabeth.

**Geniusatwork: **Hm, this is one sick and twisted galaxy.

**DeX: **Indeed.

**Geniusatwork: **And how is it that Sheppard gets to kiss the hot girls while I end up kissing Carson?

**Shep: **I am telling you it's fate.

oOo

**Topic: Apologies  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 07-05-06  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **I would like to apologize to everyone whom I have caused harm during the Phoebus incident.

**Shep: **What she said.

**LoOrne: **Tell you what, ma'am; you were quite impressive during that fight.

**Scotty: **Quite impressive? She knocked you _and_ your team out cold.

**LoOrne: **Could you post that again, doc. I don't think the whole city has read it yet.

oOo

**Topic: Lorne's team  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 07-28-06  
Poll: I should wear heels more often  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 69 votes / No; 0 votes **_

**Liz38: **Dear personnel, I am glad to announce Major Lorne's team has returned to Atlantis. The team members are all alive and well. Therefore, the Condolence Register created by Dr. Kusanagi will be removed from the Internet. If you've something you'd like to save, like a touching poem or a great speech, you should copy it from the register before it gets erased.

**LoOrne: **Oh great - mockery. Wait a minute, did people actually post poems?

**Cadgirl: **Among song texts, undying love confessions and limericks, yes.

oOo

**Topic: The Genii  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 07-28-06  
Poll: I am NOT an errand boy!  
**_**Results up to now: I am not; 17 votes / I am not; 7 votes **_

**Shep: **Attention, everyone! You are hereby ordered to proceed with caution if you run into the Genii off-world, because they are now our allies – sort of. This does not mean, however, that they can be trusted. It just means that you can't shoot them on sight, or blow them up with your C4. Am I clear?

**Cadgirl: **Perfectly. There will be no killing Genii soldiers.

**Shep: **Not on first sight, no.

**LoOrne: **Understood, sir.

**DeX: **I don't like it.

**Scotty: **Aye, we know, Ronon. But sometimes a friendly approach doesn't hurt.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh please - they're Genii. They double-crossed us on our first encounter!

**Liz38: **You would add 'offering C4' to the list of friendly approaches?

**Shep: **McKay, if you can come up with a smart comeback to that one, I will take you out for dinner.

**Geniusatwork: **We _already _dine together every night, Colonel. Never mind that. And just so you know, you _are _an errand boy. I just thought I should tell you because - surprisingly - your poll doesn't provide me with the right option.

**Shep: **It was a metaphor! And somehow, you have the ability to make it sound all _wrong_. About the poll; just think of it as a rhetorical question.

oOo

**Topic: Michael  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 08-23-06  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **I would like to once again inform everyone of the fact that Lt. Michael Kenmore is not human. He is a Wraith, converted by Dr. Beckett's retrovirus. We do not believe he's aggressive or capable of hurting anyone, but he will remain under guard at all times as a precaution. Be advised not to seek him out. Thank you for your attention.

**DeX: **We should kill it.

**YoursTruly: **Ronon.

**ChuckDuck: **As long as you guys keep it out of the control room, I'm fine with it. Well, not with _it _as in the wraith, but with the situation. Do you guys know what I mean?

**Shep: **We get it, Chuck. I mean - we don't get Michael, obviously… we get what you meant to say and - this is ridiculous!

**YoursTruly: **If you were to refer to Michael as 'him', I believe a lot of problems would be solved at once.

**Geniusatwork: **But it's a wraith.

**Shrinkk38: **Continuing to believe this will not help you get over your fears.

**Geniusatwork: **Well, nothing will, believe me. Except a well-aimed shot of Ronon's gun, that is.

**Ronon: **Can I?

**Liz38: **No. And for God's sake everyone, do not teach it, him... _Michael _how to use the Internet, because we'll get in trouble.

**LoOrne: **We will try to restrain ourselves.

oOo

**Topic: Orion  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-29-06  
Poll: Enterprise or Orion?  
**_**Results up to now: Enterprise; 4 votes / Orion; 34 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **What, seriously?

**Shep: **It doesn't matter anymore, McKay, because it's official now. Elizabeth has agreed to the name.

**Geniusatwork: **Elizabeth?

**Liz38: **John's right, Rodney. I've agreed to the name Orion.

**Geniusatwork: **Of course you have. Someone back me up here!

**LoOrne: **Sorry… I quite like 'Orion'. It sounds cool.

**Cadgirl: **Besides, Enterprise is sooooo 2001.

**IwearGLassEs: **I agree with Major Lorne.

**Geniusatwork: **Radek, you are _so_ fired!

**IwearGLassEs: **I have my own department, Rodney!! _Neuveritelny_! Even after two years, he still doesn't remember.

**DeX: **Enterprise the TV-show with the actor in it that looks like Michael?

**Shep: **Son of a... that is so true!

oOo

**Topic: Working with the Wraith  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-05-06  
Poll: That wraith queen is orange  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 57 votes / No; 3 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **People, listen up. Because we are working together with Wraith – I can't believe I just said that - we now have a few Wraith walking around the base. Although they are under guard at all times, I need you people to be very careful. Please take it to heart when I say that I do not want to find drained bodies in my bathtub, or in any other cliche places.

**Hermiod: **Dr. McKay, could you please return your attention to our project.

**DeX: **Who are you?

**Hermiod: **I am an Asgard.

**Shep: **Hey - it's the pantless creature!

**Geniusatwork: **You really shouldn't have said that. Now he's just going to beam_ your _pants into the ocean, Colonel.

**Shep: **He wouldn't do th- OH MY GOD! HERMIOD!

TBC…

**AN:** Zelenka's line 'neuveritelny' means 'unbelievable' in English.


	9. Season 3, part 1

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for No Man's Land, Misbegotten, Irresistible, Sateda and Progeny.

**Members****: **

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell

**Topic: ****Update and new orders  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 09-09-06  
Poll: None  
**_**Added file: **__**Passenger list**_

**Liz38: **May I have everyone's attention, please? The Wraith are on their way to Earth as I write this message. It is with great sadness that I have to inform you we lost Colonel Sheppard, Ronon Dex and Dr. Rodney McKay during the space battle. There will be time to mourn them later. First, we must prevent the Wraith from reaching Earth, which is why I am sending both the Orion and the Daedalus after the two Hive Ships. If you see your name on the list of required personnel in the added file, you are to board either the Daedalus or the Orion immediately.

**LoOrne: **God…

**IwearGLassEs: **_Neuveritelny_…

**Botatanist: **Rodney…

**YoursTruly: **They will be very deeply missed.

**Shrinkk38: **If any of you would like to talk about this… I think _I _could use someone to talk to as well.

**Scotty: **This is terrible.

**Cadgirl: **It's surreal.

**Caldwelll: **I agree that it's very tragic, but could we please stay focused?

oOo

**Topic: News and orders II  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 09-14-06****  
Poll: The IOA is terrible!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 67 votes / No; 1 votes **_

**Liz38: **Dear personnel, I can't begin to tell you how relieved I am to inform you that John, Rodney and Ronon made it out of the battle alive. It is also my duty to inform you that Mr. Woolsey is currently on Atlantis, to see if I'm doing my job properly. He is allowed to interview each and every one of you. Be advised not to give him _too much_ of a hard time. Thank you.

**Shep: **Are you sure there will be no head-knocking?

**Liz38: **Positive.

**YoursTruly: **Will he not be able to read everything that is written about him?

**Geniusatwork: **Oh please, like anyone would tell him about this forum. He'd have Elizabeth fired before you'd get a chance to spell 'chaotic'.

**DeX: **What about blasting him?

**Liz38: **That is also forbidden, but thanks for the thoughtful input.

**Scotty: **All right, I'm about to leave for the Alpha Site. Colonel Sheppard, are you ready to escort me?

**Shep: **Yup, come on Ronon - we have to go.

**DeX: **This is a mistake.

**LoOrne: **I agree with Ronon, sir. I mean… Michael?

**Shep: **Oh come on, he's converted back into human form. He's harmless.

**DeX: **When people say that in movies, they die.

**Geniusatwork: **Don't you mean 'What could possibly go wrong?'

**YoursTruly: **I believe both sentences are cursed in Hollywood.

**Shep: **This is freaky. I'm leaving. Ronon!

**DeX: **Coming.

oOo

**Topic: We love Lucius thread  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-01-06  
Poll: Lucius is a wise and kind man  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 102 votes / No; 1**_** votes **

**Geniusatwork: **I thought Lucius deserved his own thread.

**Scotty: **Oh aye. And he deserves so much more!

**Liz38: **He asked me to marry him.

**Shep: **What?

**YoursTruly: **What did you say?

**Luvin: **She said yes. Of course she said yes. And Teyla, dear - would you be my eighth wife?

**DeX: **She would.

**Shep: **Guys…

**Scotty: **Do you also marry men?

**Shep: **STOP. IT. RIGHT. HERE.

**DeX:** You have a problem with that?

**Luvin: **He's just jealous.

oOo

**Topic: Lingering desires  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-03-06  
Poll: Lucius is a wise and kind man  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 0 votes / No; 103 votes **_

**Shep:** Any of you still experiencing those warm fuzzy feelings?

**DeX: **Don't make me kill you.

**Geniusatwork: **Please do.

**ChuckDuck: **Yeah.

**Liz38: **Haven't we suffered enough, John?

**Shep: **Not by long shot.

oOo

**Topic: Arrow  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-28-06  
Poll: Rodney's boxers are A: yellow B: orange C: both!!  
**_**Results up to now: A; 2 votes / B; 6 votes / C; 56 votes **_

**Shep: **How's the ass feeling, Rodney?

**Geniusatwork: **You are SO horrible and SO going to hell.

**YoursTruly: **Should you not both be focusing on locating Ronon right now?

**Shep: **Rodney's working on it; _I_ have some free time on my hands.

**Geniusatwork: **You know, if you wouldn't be posting stupid topics, I wouldn't be forced to comment.

**YoursTruly: **RODNEY!

**Shep: **Better get to work, arrow-boy.

oOo

**Topic: Thanks  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 10-03-06  
Poll: None **

**DeX: **Thanks.

**YoursTruly: **You are most welcome, Ronon. It is good to have you back.

**Shep: **Yeah, and I only had to kill, like, twenty Wraith, so… no sweat.

**YoursTruly: **…

**Geniusatwork: **I would have killed Wraith, too, you know - but Becky wouldn't let me.

**Scotty: **Becky? Oh, and ye're welcome, Ronon.

**Shep: **You do know that we'll always get you back, right?

**DeX: **Yeah.

**Geniusatwork: **Are we getting emotional? Because I'm not good at that.

**DeX: **;-)

**Geniusatwork: **Okay, now I'm freaking out!

oOo

**Topic: Replicators  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 11-05-06  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **I think we should seriously start thinking about freaking out, people. Replicators are bad. Very bad.

**Shep: **Way to stay positive.

**DeX: **They're just machines.

**Shep:** So are a vacuum cleaners.

**Liz38: **So?

**Shep: **I'm just saying.

**YoursTruly: **Should we not be focusing on this new potential threat?

**Geniusatwork: **New? Not so much. They created the virus that killed half my sciences team a year and a half ago. Potential? No such luck, because they want to kill us. Threat? Very true!

**LoOrne: **What can we expect?

**Shep: **Not exactly sure, but I hope they'll leave us alone for the time being.

**Geniusatwork: **So young and so naïve.

**Shep: **You're only two years older than me, McKay.

**Liz38: **How about we call it a night and start 'freaking out' tomorrow?

**YoursTruly: **I believe this to be a very good idea.

**Shep: **Besides... _I _didn't cry when McDonald's had their ball pits removed. I'm _much _more mature than you are.

**Geniusatwork: **You are _so _not.

**Shep: **Yes, I am.

**Geniusatwork: **Are not.  
**  
Shep: **Am too.  
**  
Geniusatwork: **Are not.

**DeX: **Need my stunner, Shep?

TBC…


	10. Season 3, part 2

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Real World, Common Ground, McKay and Mrs. Miller, Phantoms and The Return Pt. 1.

**Members:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**MrsMom: **Jeannie Miller

**Topic: Breaking quarantine  
Posted by: Scotty  
Name: Carson Beckett  
Posted: 12-03-06  
Poll: None **

**Scotty: **I know it's been said before, but it's worth repeating: Colonel, what the hell were ye thinking?

**Shep: **I was thinking I'd save Elizabeth, and hey – I succeeded. Stop whining, doc.

**Liz38: **Still, you took a huge risk. I wish to thank you for helping me, because I'm not sure I would have survived without your help. However, I don't want you doing anything like that again in the future, John.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh please - all he did was stand there and hold your hand.

**YoursTruly: **I believe there was more to it than that, Rodney.

**DeX: **You fight monsters?

**Shep: **No

**Liz38: **More like inner demons…

**Shep: **Look, I'm still here; Elizabeth's still here. What's the point?

**Scotty: **If ye ever break protocol again, son, I'm going ter have ye strapped ter an infirmary bed for the rest of yer life.

oOo

**Topic: Not fair  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 01-12-07  
Poll: He looks younger than he did before!!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 56 votes / No; 3 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Of course _you_ would come back better-looking after getting life-sucked by an alien.

**YoursTruly: **We are all very pleased that you are alright, John.

**DeX: **It's good to have you back, buddy.

**LoOrne: **I agree with Ronon, sir.

**Geniusatwork: **Yeah. Well. Just never scare me like that again, okay?

**Scotty: **I just finished examining Colonel Sheppard, and I thought I'd make ye all aware of the fact that he's perfectly healthy again.

**Shep: **That's good to know.

**Geniusatwork: **You know, you never said 'thanks for the rescue'.

**Shep: **Rescue? From my understanding, I had to break out of prison myself.

**Geniusatwork: **Just…

**Shep: **I appreciate the effort, Rodney. There. Happy?

**DeX: **Earthlings are weird.

**YoursTruly: **I believe their way of showing concern for each other by bickering to be strange, too.

**Shep: **Hey!

**Geniusatwork: **What he said. And correct me if I'm wrong, but did Ronon just say 'buddy'?

oOo

**Topic: Stop it!  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 01-13-07  
Poll: None **

**Shep: **Stop it!

**Geniusatwork: **?

**Liz38: **I can't help it, John.

**Shep: **Well, that's too darn bad, because you're going to have to _stop it._

**Geniusatwork: **Stop what?

**Liz38: **I could have stopped him.

**Shep: **You _know _I didn't want you to make a deal with Kolya. Stop. Feeling. Guilty.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, well - that shouldn't be too hard, right?

**DeX: **McKay! Stop interrupting them!

**Liz38: **All right, I will try.

**Shep: **And?

**Liz38: **I'm working on it.

**Shep: **Good.

oOo

**Topic: Brilliantness  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 02-13-07  
Poll: Meredith or Rodney?  
**_**Results up to now: Meredith; 6 votes / Rodney; 35 votes **_

**Shep: **Please tell me you have _more _interesting stories to trade.

**MrsMom:** He once got lost in West Edmonton Mall, and dad had to call the police to find him.

**YoursTruly: **John, is your sense of direction not even worse than Rodney's?

**Shep: **Hey! Straying off topic; mocking Meredith here!

**ChuckDuck: **This thread is brilliant. I haven't laughed this hard in ages.

**Geniusatwork: **You do know I have access to this forum, too, don't you?

**Shep: **No, that thought hadn't crossed my mind, Meredith.

**DeX: **You done with the bridge thing?

**Geniusatwork: **Other people are working on it. I thought I'd spend some quality time with my team, but after reading this, I think I'm going to write a resignation letter instead.

**Shep: **Oh come on, you love us.

**Geniusatwork: **Not in every sense of the word. And right now, I'd happily kill you.

**DeX: **He serious?

**Shep: **Neh…

**MrsMom: **He once tried to kill a spider and ended up blasting a hole in our living room wall.

**YoursTruly: **LOL.

**Shep: **Teyla!?

oOo

**Topic: Rod  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 02-20-07  
Poll: Rodney/Rod?  
**_**Results up to now: Rodney; 34 votes / Rod; 12 votes**_

**DeX: **I like you better.

**Geniusatwork: **Well… thanks.

**Shep: **Yeah - me too. Rod was a bit weird. And he kept beating me at golf.

**YoursTruly: **He was most… unique.

**Geniusatwork: **You guys _do_ know I haven't forgiven you for mocking me, right?

**Shep: **We'll make up for it.

**Scotty: **How do you plan on doing that?

**DeX: **Wait and see.

oOo

**Topic: OH MY GOD!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 02-27-07  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **You are all forgiven and _so_ going to heaven! God, this is so… #moans#

**Liz38: **Dare I ask what you've done?

**Shep: **Caldwell didn't complain to you about the Senseo coffee machine we made him transport? Hm… how awfully nice of him.

**Caldwelll: **I have my moments.

oOo

**Topic: You shot me!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 03-30-07  
Poll: The Genii should die  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 57 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **You shot me!

**Shep: **You know, Rodney - if you keep this up I'm going to start being happy I did.

oOo

**Topic: Bored  
Posted by: Scotty  
Name: Carson Beckett  
Posted: 05-24-07  
Poll: Atlantis or Earth?  
**_**Results up to now: Atlantis; 107 votes / Earth; 0 votes**_

**Scotty: **I hate ter say it, but Earth has never seemed more boring.

**LoOrne: **Agreed.

**Shep: **It's weird to be back here…

**Geniusatwork: **At the very least, we still have this forum to keep in touch.

**Cadgirl: **That's something.

**ChuckDuck: **But not enough.

**Shep: **Why didn't we give Ronon and Teyla a laptop?

**Scotty: **Aye, that's a shame… By the way, has anyone heard anything from Elizabeth lately?

**IwearGLassEs: **No…

**LoOrne: **Me neither. Hey - I think the Colonel and I have the next weekend off. Anyone up for a movie night?

**Shep: **My place or yours? :P

**Geniusatwork: **That'd be nice. I think I'll fly in for the occasion.

**Scotty: **Aye, count me in.

**ChuckDuck: **Me too.

**Caldwelll: **Can I also come?

TBC…


	11. Season 3, part 3

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Return Pt. 1, Echoes, Irresponsible, Tao of Rodney and The Game.

**Members: **

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Fercryingoutloud: **Jack O'Neill

**Topic: Are we doing this?  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 07-03-07  
Poll: I'll be damned if I'm gonna let the Replicators take our home away from us.  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 67 votes / No; 3 votes**_

**Shep: **So, this is just to confirm: we're all in?

**Liz38: **Definitely.

**Geniusatwork: **Hm mm.

**Scotty: **Aye.

**LoOrne: **Can I also come, sir?

**ChuckDuck: **What about me?

**Cadgirl: **Add me to the passenger list.

**Shep: **I'm sorry, but I'm not about to put your lives on the line, too, Lorne, Cadman and Chuck. We'll just… deal with this, and you're all more than welcome to return to Atlantis once we're done.

**Liz38: **Don't mention anything about our plan to anyone.

**IwearGLassEs: **We won't. Good luck.

**Shep: **Thanks, we're gonna need it, but if we stick to the plan, we might just succeed.

**Geniusatwork: **Just do me a favor and be _careful _when you smash the Jumper through the outside wall of the Tower.

**Cadgirl: **... Huh.

**LoOrne: **What exactly is your plan, sir?

oOo

**Topic: Sheppard!  
Posted by: Fercryingoutloud  
Name: Jack O'Neill  
Posted: 07-06-07  
Poll: Vanilla beats chocolate!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 68 votes / No; 45 votes **_

**Fercryingoutloud: **Give me one good reason why I shouldn't fire you where you stand, Colonel.

**Shep: **With all due respect, sir; I just saved your ass.

**Fercryingoutloud: **Good one.

**Shep: **_And_ I like it here.

**Fercryingoutloud: **All right, I'm convinced. You can stay.

oOo

**Topic: Good news  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 07-29-07  
Poll: None **

**Liz38: **I'm pleased to announce the whales have finally left Atlantis. If you are still experiencing headaches, I am hereby ordering you to get an aspirin in the infirmary. Everyone is free to take the rest of the day off.

**Shep: **Are you all right?

**Liz38: **I feel better, but unfortunately, my hearing hasn't completely returned yet.

**DeX: **It will.

**Liz38: **I know.

**Shep: **So, Elizabeth. Do you… want to grab dinner tonight?

**Liz38: **John Sheppard, are you asking me out on a date?

**Shep: **Don't go feeling special. I just want to make sure you eat something, because it was _way_ too easy to carry you around.

**Liz38: **All right. You can watch me eat this evening.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh. Can I come, too?

**DeX: **_McKay!_

**YoursTruly: **Rodney…

**Shep: **Why don't you take your whale out for dinner, McKay?

oOo

**Topic: Kolya  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 08-03-07  
Poll: Is it just me or did Lucius lose some weight?  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 0 votes / No; 4 votes **_

**Shep: **Well. I'm pleased to state that Kolya's… gone.

**Shrinkk38: **Do you want to talk about it, Colonel?

**Shep: **I don't think so, doc.

**YoursTruly: **He left you with no other choice, John.

**DeX: **He deserved it.

**Geniusatwork: **Sure he did. But was the cowboy shooting match really necessary? I _know _there are only so many ways to kill a bad guy, but you picked the most cliche one, Colonel. Oh, and Teyla, Carson, and Ronon – why did you all insist on dying in front of me? Like that would have been nice to watch...

**Scotty: **Ye're welcome, Rodney.

**Shep: **Did you seriously want to break out of prison with a spoon?

**Geniusatwork: **No comment.

oOo

**Topic: I'm superman  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-17-07  
Poll: I am smarter than Carter  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 1 votes / No; 34 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **I would just like to point out that I've become even more important to the success of this expedition. Not only am I the smartest man in two galaxies; I am good in the field as well. You may all start worshipping me now.

**Shep: **This isn't fair.

**Liz38: **All this seems too good to be true. There has to be something we're not seeing.

**Geniusatwork: **Hello? What's up with the negative attitude? This is the best thing that ever happened to us.

**IwearGLassEs: **To you, perhaps.

**Geniusatwork: **Me, us… Same thing.

**DeX: **If you don't stop being annoying, you're gonna get hit.

**Geniusatwork: **Ronon? Why is Sheppard posting messages on your account?

oOo

**Topic: Thanks  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-23-07  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **So… I would just like to, you know, thank everyone for supporting me and… everything.

**YoursTruly: **We are most happy you are still with us, Rodney.

**Shep: **You would have driven everyone up there _insane _if you'd ascended, so it's probably for the best that you're still alive…

**LoOrne: **It's nice to know you're still around to fix our showers.

**Geniusatwork: **You know, I _could_ have ascended if I'd wanted to, so… Does that mean that, when my time comes, I'll still be able to… you know?

**Shep: **Why don't we _not_ find out anytime soon?

**YoursTruly: **Agreed.

**DeX: **Yeah.

oOo

**Topic: Cheating bastard  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-01-07  
Poll: Geldar is a lousy name  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 5 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**Shep: **You are a cheating bastard.

**Geniusatwork: **You built an entire army!

**Shep: **_After_ you started cheating!

**Geniusatwork: **That is so not true.

**Shep: **It _so_ is.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, and as for the poll: Geldar is a _fine _name, thankyouverymuch.

**Shep: **Oh, come on. You know it's not.

**Liz38: **GO STAND IN A CORNER FEELING GUILTY. BOTH OF YOU.

**Shep: **?

**Geniusatwork: **:0

**LoOrne: **Very effective, ma'am.

**Liz38: **Thank you.

oOo

**Topic: Mad  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-01-07  
Poll: None **

**Shep: **Are you mad?

**Geniusatwork: **Yes.

**Shep: **I wasn't talking to you, cheater.

**Liz38: **Yes.

**Shep: **Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?

**Liz38: **You could start by throwing the Ancient game device into the ocean.

**Shep: **Done.

**Liz38: **And then you could get me some chocolate chip cookies…

TBC…


	12. Season 3, part 4

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for The Ark, Sunday, Submersion, Vengeance and First Strike.

**Members:**

**Liz38: **Elizabeth Weir  
**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**Scotty**: Carson Beckett  
**Shrinkk38**: Kate Heightmeyer  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**ColonelEl: **Abe Ellis

**Topic: Stupid  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-05-07  
Poll: This galaxy is out to get me!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 75 votes / No; 3 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Have I mentioned recently that you are the stupidest, dumbest and most idiotic man I've ever come across? I am growing _so _incredibly sick of you and your hair and your suicide missions.

**Shep: **Hey! I pulled it off, didn't I?

**Geniusatwork: **You crash-landed! I thought you said you could fly that thing?! How come you're even alive, anyway?

**LoOrne: **Doesn't matter, McKay. He's promised Ronon a fight to the death, so he probably won't be around for much longer.

**Shep: **Anxious to get in charge, Major?

**Cadgirl: **It would be dull without you, sir.

**Scotty: **I'd be out of work for sure…

**Shep: **Why is everyone assuming that Ronon would win? I _could _win, right?

**DeX: **Yeah sure…

**Shep: **Was that sarcasm, big guy?

oOo

**Topic: Day off  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 09-13-07  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **Dr. Heightmeyer has declared this Sunday to be a mandatory rest-day. I suggest you all start making plans for your day off.

**Scotty: **Can Rodney and I take a Jumper ter the mainland?

**Geniusatwork: **Make no priority of us, Elizabeth. If you need the Jumpers elsewhere, feel free **not** to spare one.

**Liz38: **I have cleared Jumper Three for you, Carson.

**Scotty: **Thank ye, lass.

**Shep: **Teyla and Ronon, I am going to teach you how to play golf this Sunday. I will accept _no _last minute excuses, and since I just posted that statement here, there will be no denying I ever made it. Do I make myself clear?

**ChuckDuck: **I think… Ronon and Teyla just erased their accounts, Colonel.

o0o

**Topic: Carson Beckett  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 09-15-07  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **It is with deep regret that I have to inform everyone Carson Beckett passed away earlier today. Carson died saving a patient, which I am sure is the way he would have chosen to go. I would like to ask everone to take a moment to think about Carson; about who he was and what he stood for. Also, I'd like you to think about the great sacrifice he's made to ensure our safety. Tomorrow, a memorial service will be held in the Gate Room. I expect every each and every one of you to be there. Thank you for your attention.

o0o

**Topic: It wasn't...  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-15-07  
Poll: None**

**Shep: **It wasn't your fault, you know…

**Geniusatwork: **Except that it was.

**YoursTruly: **Rodney…

**DeX: **What she said.

**Liz38: **I don't think Carson would have wanted you to take the blame, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Well, I'm sure Carson didn't want to _die _either. It seems like fate doesn't seem to care about what Carson wants...

**Shep: **If you would just unlock the door to your room, we could have this conversation in private.

**Geniusatwork: **I appreciate the gesture, Colonel, but… I just need some time. Alone.

**Shep: **Right.

o0o

**Topic: What is it with you and Wraith Queens??  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-25-07  
Poll: Wraith Queens suck  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 56 votes / No; 0 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Seriously!

**Shep: **How the hell should I know?

**Geniusatwork: **Teyla?

**YoursTruly: **I did not sense anything regarding John, Rodney, if that is what you wish to know.

**LoOrne: **The trouble the Colonel attracts comes in all shapes and sizes.

**Liz38: **Especially female shapes…

**Shep: **What, are you counting?

**DeX: **What's the point? Teyla, you did good.

**YoursTruly: **I almost caused you and the others to die.

**DeX: **Yeah, but you didn't.

**Liz38: **I agree with Ronon, Teyla. You overpowered a very strong being.

**Geniusatwork: **Hey, I overpowered her, too!

**Shep: **But _I _fired the last shots, Rodney!

**Liz38: **I am so proud of you ten-year-olds.

o0o

**Topic: Bugs  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-07-07  
Poll: Bugs should be prohibited!!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 46 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**Shep: **And yet another bug can be added to the Pegasus' horror list.

**DeX: **Told you we should've killed Michael.

**Geniusatwork: **Who cares about bugs? You most effectively removed my eyebrows with your C-4!

**Shep: **Two eyebrows less for the bugs to feed on...

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, har har.

**IwearGLassEs: **Were those bugs big?

**Shep: **Yep, and they were pretty hard to kill, too.

**Geniusatwork: **Now he'll never come off-world again, Colonel.

oOo

**Topic: Launch against the Replicators  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-22-07  
Poll: Ellis or Caldwell  
**_**Results up to now: Ellis; 34 votes / Caldwell; 41 votes**_

**Shep: **All right, people. We've just launched an attack on the Replicator Planet. I can also say we've succeeded in destroying their space ships. I think now would be a good time to start celebrating!

o0o

**Topic: Regarding the Replicators  
Posted by: Liz38  
Name: Elizabeth Weir  
Posted: 10-22-07  
Poll: None**

**Liz38: **I think most of you have probably noticed by now that a Replicator beam is attacking our city. I want everyone to know that we are working on the problem, and that there's still time to solve this thing. Please don't panic.

o0o

**Topic: Panick anyone?  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-22-07  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **All right, people - now _would _be the time to start panicking, because we still got nothing and we are running out of time!

o0o

**Topic: What is wrong with you people?!  
Posted by: ColonelEl  
Name: Abe Ellis  
Posted: 10-22-07  
Poll: None**

**ColonelEl: **Could you people please stop wasting valuable time on this ridiculous forum? We are about to be overrun by the enemy, and all you people do is post messages to keep everyone else informed. Because of these messages, people are sitting behind their laptops, instead of working on solutions. If you people don't stop posting things, I will have this forum removed. Do I make myself clear?

**Shep: **Perfectly clear, sir. There will be no more checking the forum.

**Geniusatwork: **I am working on the problem, Colonel.

**ChuckDuck: **Can he really remove our forum?

**Liz38: **I won't let that happen.

**Lo0rne: **That's good to know.

**Cadgirl: **You can say that again.

**Liz38: **Rodney?

**Geniusatwork: **Still working on it.

**YoursTruly: **That is most unfortunate.

**Shep: **You're telling me.

**DeX: **Anyone see Harry Potter 5 last night?

o0o


	13. Season 4, part 1

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for Adrift, Lifeline, Reunion, Doppelganger and Travellers.

**Members:**

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Sam: **Samantha Carter

**Topic: Damn it, McKay  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-23-07  
Poll: Does anyone around here ever listen to my orders?  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 14 votes / You give orders?; 36 votes**_

**Shep: **You're a real piece of work, you know that?

**Geniusatwork: **She was dying…

**Shep: **I gave you a direct order, McKay.

**Geniusatwork: **I've helped her.

**Shep: **You don't know that.

**Geniusatwork: **And has uncertainty ever stopped you before?

**Shep: **Just… If the nanites take over and kill us all, I'll kick whatever piece of ass that's left of you.

o0o

**Topic: Heist  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-24-07  
Poll: None**

**Shep: **All right, folks, listen up. Both Elizabeth and I are leaving this city in an attempt to get us all to safety. Teyla will be in charge of Atlantis from the moment we leave 'till the moment we're back. You will listen to her, do what she tells you to do and, so help me, if I hear _one _complaint about you when I get back, you are going to be very, _very _sorry.

**LoOrne: **Good luck, sir.

**Geniusatwork: **Did anyone happen to look out of the window while I took out that huge asteroid?

**ChuckDuck: **Must've missed it.

**Shep: **Get to the Jumper, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Coming.

o0o

**Topic: We'll find her  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-25-07  
Poll: Elizabeth Weir is still alive  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 145 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **You know that, right?

**Shep: **Of course I do.

**DeX: **Agreed.

**YoursTruly: **Indeed.

**Sam: **Teal'c? Is that you?

o0o

**Topic: Don't  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 11-13-07  
Poll: SGA-1 needs: Ronon or some marine?  
**_**Results up to now: Ronon; 46 votes / some marine; 2 votes **_

**Shep: **You are _so_ not leaving.

**DeX: **Am too.

**Shep: **Nope.

**DeX: **Oh, yeah.

**Shep: **Nu-uh.

**Geniusatwork: **Would it make a difference if I told you they're serving steak tonight?

**YoursTruly: **I do not believe that steak would be a reason great enough to abandon his friends, Rodney.

**Shep: **Think of something better, Rodney.

**DeX: **It's... it's been an honour.

**Geniusatwork: **Hey, can I have your room?

o0o

**Topic: He's back  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 11-17-07  
Poll: SGA-1 needs: Ronon or Ronon?  
**_**Results up to now: Ronon; 5 votes / Ronon; 7 votes **_

**Shep: **He's baaack.

**Sam: **Welcome home, Ronon.

**YoursTruly: **We are glad to have you back.

**DeX: **Where's my pillow, McKay?

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, I'll - I'll drop that off tomorrow. Along with your mattress...

**LoOrne: **It's nice to have you back, Ronon. Everyone's missed you in the Gym.

**Geniusatwork: **Ah, we're getting to the love confessions. Now all we need is speech from Ronon.

**DeX: **I need my pillow _tonight_, McKay.

o0o

**Topic: Bad dreams  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 12-11-07  
Poll: Clowns are scarier than whales  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 68 votes / No; 1 votes**_

**Shep: **Okay, I know that everyone's been having some really bad dreams about me, and I understand that you're all a little unsettled. I've had a bad dream myself and it _hurt. _But seriously, could you people _please _stop hiding behind Ancient plants, desks and crates whenever I enter the room? I'm starting to develop some serious abandoning issues here. Oh, and the hysterical screaming is also starting to get on my nerves.

**Firefly: **I am very sorry, Colonel. I'll try to keep from shrieking next time I see you, but it is going to be very difficult. I've had this awful dream, about bugs and death and _you _and… I can't even begin to describe how terrifying the whole ordeal was for me. I understand that other people have been badly affected as well. Maybe it's time to appoint a new psychologist?

**YoursTruly: **You need to give everyone some time, John. I am sure that all will be back to normal soon. I would like to dedicate this post to Kate, who has been a truly good friend.

**Sam: **The memorial service will be held tomorrow in the Gate Room. Request acknowledged, Dr. Keller. John, I think people will get over their nightmares soon enough. Just don't make any sudden movements, and give people some time to adjust to your presence before you start talking to them.

**Shep: **Very funny.

**Geniusatwork: **Don't be an idiot. Since when do you care about what people think of you? If you've lost your confidence, you have some serious issues, Colonel.

**DeX: **Says the man who's afraid of fish.

**Geniusatwork: **A whale is not a fish, Ronon - and by the way, I take great offence to that. Don't make me cut off water to your room.

o0o

**Topic: Alien women  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 01-15-08  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **I'm not gonna say anything this time. The pleasure's all yours, people.

**ChuckDuck: **Alien women?

**LoOrne: **This has to be about Colonel Sheppard.

**ChuckDuck: **Chaya? Mara? Teer?

**IwearGLassEs**: I believe the Colonel has met yet another one.

**Cadgirl: **Really? Do I know her?

**LoOrne: **I don't think so… the title says 'alien'.

**Botatanist: **Rodney said she's very pretty.

**LoOrne: **Figures.

**Firefly: **I could find nothing to indicate recent sexual activity during his post mission check-up, though.

**Shep: **EXCUSE ME?

**DeX: **She beat him.

**Cadgirl: **Aw, I like her already, sir.

**ChuckDuck: **What does she look like?

**Cadgirl**: He's had one blonde and two brunettes. I think he likes brunettes better.

**LoOrne: **She must be tall - or just very strong - for her to have hit him.

**IwearGLassEs**: A tall, brown-haired lady… with dark eyes, I think.

**Cadgirl: **If she's not afraid of hitting men, her personality is fairly similar to mine. Maybe her name starts with an L, too.

**DeX: **Liz? Lara? Larrie?

**LoOrne: **Something like that.

**ChuckDuck: **Wearing a loincoth... or leather clothing...

**IwearGLassEs**: Hmm, yes…

**LoOrne: **Can we meet her, sir?

**Geniusatwork: **Hm... even though this galaxy will not let me have any pretty alien women, I know I can always count on my fellow expedition members.

_TBC... _


	14. Season 4, part 2

**Spoilers: **This chapter contains spoilers for Tabula Rasa, Missing, the Seer, Miller's Crossing and This Mortal Coil.

**Members****:**

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Sam: **Samantha Carter

**Topic: Zelenka?!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 02-04-08  
Poll: That Czech will be the death of me!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 6 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Zelenka, where the hell are you?

**LoOrne: **I can't find him anywhere

**Shep: **Remind me why we need him again?

**Geniusatwork: **He's - I have no idea.

**YoursTruly: **We are looking for Radek because he has hidden the main control crystal.

**Shep: **Right.

**DeX: **Let's get to work, people.

**Geniusatwork: **What do we do? What do _I_ do?

**YoursTruly: **Rodney, you need to make the necessary changes in the air ventilation systems. I will join you in your lab momentarily. John, you must meet Ronon in the Jumper Bay at once.

**Shep: **OK… I can do that. Where is the Jumper Bay?

**DeX: **Upstairs.

**ChuckDuck: **Could somebody tell me who Zelenka is?

oOo

**Topic: Lollipops  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 02-25-08  
Poll: Ronon should get his leather coat back!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 56 votes / No; 3 votes**_

**Shep: **I'm disappointed, doc. Now where do I have to get my lollipops?

**Firefly: **I am truly sorry, Colonel, but the lollipops weren't my first priority while I was busy running for my life.

**Shep: **All right, now I'm curious... How did you manage to run with a twisted ankle?

**YoursTruly: **She did not.

**Geniusatwork: **See? I'm not the only one who isn't capable of running when severely injured.

**Shep: **Oh, right. What was it the last time? A splinter?

**DeX: **No, a broken nail.

**Geniusatwork: **Oh, right - let's all mock the injured man.

**Sam: **Be nice, people.

**Shep: **My sincere apologies, McKay. How are you feeling? Has the worst worn off?

**DeX: **#Snicker#

oOo

**Topic: The Search  
Posted by: Sam  
Name: Samantha Carter  
Posted: 03-04-08  
Poll: None**

**Sam: **I need an update, people. How is the search going? Are we making any progress?

**LoOrne: **I'm sorry, ma'am. We got nothing yet. But we're still searching.

**Cadgirl: **My team's not making any progress either, Colonel.

**YoursTruly: **I truly appreciate your help, but I do not believe searching each planet in this galaxy will lead to the desired result. I think I may have another solution. Colonel, if you would be so kind?

**Sam: **The door to my office's always open, Teyla.

**DeX: **She has no door.

**Shep: **… I give up. Someone had better teach him figurative speech soon, before I lose my mind.

oOo

**Topic: Working with a wraith  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 03-09-08  
Poll: We're all going to be screaming 'oh no' before this day is over...  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 45 votes / No; 4 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **I think everyone has a right to know that there is a wraith on Atlantis - again. So, standard protocol, I guess - if you don't want to die; just ask for a transfer. Furthermore, be sure to keep your fingers crossed.

**Shep: **Don't be so negative. This one isn't so bad. Besides, he doesn't have a Hive anymore, so that's one less thing to worry about. I know the Wraith are a scary bunch of space vampires, but... we really need to stop the Replicators, so I think we might need him.

**DeX: **I say we kill it.

**Geniusatwork: **No, really?

**Sam: **For the time being, I want everyone to remain calm. The wraith is under constant guard, and of no threat to anyone. As soon as we figure out a way to stop the Replicators, we'll get rid of him. Until then, I want everyone to stay focused. There is no need to get distracted.

**Shep: **Haven't you been fired lately?

**Sam: **I think Woolsey's report didn't turn out so bad.

**Shep: **Huh. That's… something.

**YoursTruly: **Mister Woolsey always showed Elizabeth well-deserved respect as well. I do not believe he is that petty a man.

**Shep: **Nice, Teyla, why don't you tell him that?

**DeX: **Can Teyla be fired?

**Geniusatwork: **No.

**DeX: **Teyla? Do it!

**LoOrne: **He might strangle her with his tie, though.

**ChuckDuck: **I don't know; he doesn't seem that creative to me...

**Sam: **Do I have to remind everyone of the fact that the IOA has access to this forum?

**DeX: **:O

oOo

**Topic: For crying out loud?  
Posted by: IwearGLassEs  
Name: Radek Zelenka  
Posted: -04-11-08  
Poll: Jeannie is smarter than Rodney  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 67 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**IwearGLassEs: **Rodney…

**Geniusatwork: **Stop nagging me, I'm thinking.

**IwearGLassEs: **You have been thinking for _weeks_, Rodney. And what have you come up with? Nothing!

**Geniusatwork: **I just need some time.

**IwearGLassEs: **Rodney…

**Sam: **Maybe you should consider e-mailing her, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **No! No! No- no; no, no. no! And !NO! …

oOo

**Topic: Thanks for helping out  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 04-29-08  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **Thanks. You know… for being there, and helping me get my sister back. It means a lot to me. It really does.

**DeX: **It was nothing.

**Geniusatwork: **?

**Shep: **Figurative speak, buddy? I'm proud of you!

**Geniusatwork: **I'm serious. If you hadn't done what you did, John…

**Shep: **I have an idea. Let's not talk about _that_, okay?

**Firefly: **What? What did he do?

**ChuckDuck: **I wanna know, too!

**LoOrne: **Sir?

**Shep: **Rodney!

**Geniusatwork: **I'm sorry, I just - I can't believe you talked him into it. That must have taken a lot of persuasiveness.

**YoursTruly: **The Colonel can be pretty persuasive when he chooses to be.

**Shep: **Are you talking about the way I talked you into calling me John? Because I swear, if you are…

**YoursTruly: **I would not dream of it…

**Shep: **Why don't I believe you?

**ChuckDuck: **Is this the 'let's taunt everyone who doesn't know anything about Colonel Sheppard topic'? Because if it is, I'm leaving.

**Sam: **You are not thinking about leaving Atlantis, are you?

**Cadgirl: **No! Chuck, we need you! You are our beloved technician! ;)

**Firefly: **I think… he was talking about leaving this conversation.

**Shep: **That's a fantastic diagnostic, doc. Do you make those often?

oOo

**Topic: She's not  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 05-18-08  
Poll: Elizabeth Weir is still alive!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 56 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Shep: **I don't care what that… clone said! I don't believe it; she's still out there somewhere. It's just… it doesn't make sense. She can't have _died_.

**Sam: **We'll figure it out, John.

**Shep: **Will we? Because I'm not so sure that the IOA is willing to continue the search for her.

**YoursTruly: **_They _may not be willing; but we are.

**DeX: **Indeed.

**LoOrne: **We're not giving up, sir.

**IwearGLassEs: **Absolutely not.

**ChuckDuck: **I will loyally dial the Gate each time you go out there looking for her.

**Geniusatwork: **Still, we have to face the possibility that she's… gone.

**Shep: **Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Those clones were _us_, John. They knew everything about us. I'm just afraid that - well, you know… she was right.

**Shep: **I'm not having this conversation.

**Geniusatwork: **All right, all right... shutting up.

**Sam: **I did not just hear you say that!

oOo

**Topic: Crap  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 05-19-08  
Poll: Replicators should be illegal!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 89 votes / No; 1 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Lots and lots of dots…

**Shep: **I know… this is getting tricky.

**Geniusatwork: **You think they'll come to Atlantis?

**Shep: **Not immediately, no. Either way, millions of lives are at stake, McKay.

**ChuckDuck: **_Dots _coming to Atlantis?

**YoursTruly: **I do believe they are referring to Replicator Ships.

**Firefly: **That's bad news.

**Shep: **Yep, it's official: I absolutely love your diagnostics, doc.

**Sam: **Is our wraith cooperating, Rodney?

**Geniusatwork: **Sort of, yeah… If you call breathing down a person's neck cooperative. We are working on a solution.

**Shep: **Work faster.

**LoOrne: **Amen.

oOo


	15. Season 4, part 3

**AN: **I'm very sorry for the delay, I got sidetracked by other projects. This weekend, I decided to pick up where I left with this story. I hope some of you are still with me.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for Be all my Sins remembered, Spoils of war, Quarantine, Harmony and Outcast.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Botatanist: **Katie Brown  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Sam: **Samantha Carter  
**ColonelEl:** Abe Ellis  
**Caldwelll:** Steven Caldwell

**Topic: Colonel  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 06-13-08  
Poll: None **

**Geniusatwork: **Seriously, can we please start calling military people by their name? Having both Carter and Sheppard on the same base was one thing, but having Caldwell and Elliot show up on top of that? Nuh-uh. I hate to use the word 'impossible' but.. has anyone _tried _having a normal conversation with four Colonels in the same room?

**Shep: **Are you going to be the one to inform _Colonel_ Ellis about your brilliant plan?

**ColonelEl: **There will be no need for that, Doctor McKay. Now how about you start working on that other brilliant plan of yours? You have, what, three minutes left to finish your anti-Replicator weapon?

**Geniusatwork:** On it, Colonel.

oOo

**  
Topic: WE DID IT!!!  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 06-21-08  
Poll: Fran should be available on  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 145 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Shep: **I hereby announce the Replicators DEFEATED.

**LoOrne:** It was about time.

**IwearGLassEs: **Good work, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork: **Compliment accepted, Radek. By the way, there is another person I'd like to receive a humble apology from.

**ColonelEl: **I'm not going to apologize for anything, Doctor. But you did a good job.

**Geniusatwork: **Let me tell you, Colonel Dickhead, that I – wh, Teyla, stop it!

**DeX: **You put McKay in storage room 3?

**YoursTruly: **I do believe Rodney would have done something unforgiveable had I not acted immediately.

oOo

**Topic: Congratulations  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 06-21-08  
Poll: Ronon's a good name for a boy **_**or **_**a girl  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 67 votes**_

**DeX: **Congratulations. We'll get Kanaan back. Promise.

**YoursTruly: **Thank you, Ronon. I wish I could be as sure…

**Geniusatwork: **You think Ronon's a girl's name? Are you insane? Huh - _no_.

**YoursTruly: **John, I know that you are reading this. Would you be so kind as to stop avoiding me? I really wish to talk to you.

**Cadgirl: **Are you pregnant? Wow, Teyla – that's fantastic news!

**ChuckDuck: **Who is the father?

**Geniusatwork: **Some Athosian guy we've never heard of before. Seriously, I've never seen him on Atlantis, and the Athosians have lived here for... what, several months?

**Sam: **Could you _be _more tactless, Rodney?

oOo

**Topic: ZPM's  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-03-08  
Poll: Why are all Wraith out to get me?  
**_**Results up to now: They want to have my brain; 0 votes / They are jealous of me; 0 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **Do not leave ZPM's for the Wraith to find. If you find one, take it. If you lose one, find it. If you have one, keep it. We do NOT wish for more Wraith clones in this already overstaffed galaxy.

**Shep: **I think you forgot to add the third option to the poll: 'they think I'm whiny, and want to get rid of me as soon as possible'. I think I might just vote if you put that one up.

oOo

**Topic: Zelenka for president!  
Posted by: Cadgirl  
Name: Laura Cadman  
Posted: 07-28-08  
Poll: Carson should be mentioned more often!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 156 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Cadgirl: **Radek saved us all. I think we should promote him to leader of this expedition.

**Sam:** Excuse me?

**Shep: **I don't think that would be such a good idea…

**LoOrne:** I'm with you, Sir.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh please, all he did was fall down an airshaft. If someone's going to get a promotion, it should be me.

**Shep:** Here's an idea: how about we let Colonel Carter stay in command?

**IwearGLassEs:** I prefer Doctor Weir… Colonel Carter don't like me.

**Geniusatwork:** _Doesn't_, Radek – and… I miss Elizabeth, too.

**Caldwelll:** If there's going to be a change in leadership…

**Geniusatwork:** Don't get yourself all exited, Skinner. We're just discussing some possibilities here; no plans to stage a coup anytime soon. Besides, we'd never choose _you_ as our new leader.

**ChuckDuck:** Doctor McKay? Colonel Caldwell just asked for your exact location. I told him you were at the far end of the West Pier.

**Geniusatwork:** Thanks, Chuck – that's where I'll** not** be going for the next couple of hours.

oOo

**Topic: Password  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-28-08  
Poll: I should have said yes  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 65 votes / No; 3 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **How did you know?

**Shep:** Oh come on, it was easy. It's a miracle you didn't get hacked a long time ago.

**Geniusatwork:** I'll have you know I worked all of three minutes on memorizing it.

**Shep:** A complete waste of time.

**DeX: **Why say yes or no?

**Botatanist:** Oh Rodney, why do you humiliate me in public?

**Firefly: **No

**Sam:** Yes

**IwearGLassEs:** Yes

**Shep:** Maybe?

**YoursTruly:** Perhaps it would be more beneficial to ask _yourself _this question, Rodney.

**DeX:** McKay doesn't know the answer ^_^

**Geniusatwork:** Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there?

oOo

**Topic: Nuh-uh  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 08-02-08  
Poll: The Genii are to be shot on sight again!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 58 votes / No; 8 votes**_

**Shep: **Don't even think about it.

**Geniusatwork: **I haven't _said _anything to anyone yet.

**ChuckDuck:** Hey – someone's installed a new wallpaper on every laptop in the city.

**Shep:** Don't tell me…

**LoOrne:** Sir, is that really _you _cowering behind that console? Nice painting, by the way.

**Shep:** MCKAY!

**Geniusatwork:** What? I promised not to _say_ anything. I just thought people might like to _see _the painting.

**YoursTruly:** Are the Genii not our allies, John?

**Shep:** Unless our allies are authorized to shoot at us, I don't see how they are. My patience with those guys is wearing thin.

**Geniusatwork:** We were morons to think that after the Replicators, the Wraith were going to be our only enemy.

**Shep:** Yeah, but... isn't it time for a better race of bad guys? The Genii are _so_ overused.

oOo

**Topic: Change of command  
Posted by: Sam  
Name: Samantha Carter  
Posted: 08-05-08  
Poll: None**

**Sam: **Due to Colonel Sheppard's short leave to Earth, _I _will be Atlantis' ranking military leader for the time being.

**YoursTruly: **Were you not already the ranking military officer?

**Geniusatwork:** No, _Carter _is the ranking military leader of Atlantis. TPTB didn't want to upset our people, so they decided to strip away whatever sense of military authority she had. And scientifically… well, they dumbed her down quite a bit, Let's just say that, against all expectations, I'm still the smartest guy on Atlantis.

**ChuckDuck:** ?

**LoOrne:** Huh.

**Firefly:** Are you feeling alright, McKay?

**Geniusatwork:** Okay, I have no idea where that came from.

oOo

**Topic: You OK?  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 08-09-08  
Poll: We need waffles for breakfast  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 78 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**DeX: **You alright, buddy?

**Shep: **I will be. Thanks.

**Geniusatwork:** Condolences and all that. Seriously, waffles? Where did Chewie learn about waffles?

**ChuckDuck:** Ronon joined Colonel Sheppard on his trip to Earth last week.

**Geniusatwork:** God, help us all. Did he come back with tattoos or a piercing?

**YoursTruly:** I do not believe so.

**Geniusatwork: **Moving on to the next topic. Ex-wife?

**Sam:** Rodney.

**LoOrne:** Give the man a break, McKay.

**Cadgirl:** Aw, was the Colonel married? Does he have children? A dog?

**Shep:** Yes, no and no. _Moving on to the next topic_.

**ChuckDuck:** I want hash browns for breakfast.

**DeX: **Waffles. Butter. Syrup.

**YoursTruly:** I do wish to try a waffle with peanut butter and whipped cream.

**Geniusatwork:** WHAT?

**DeX:** She's pregnant, McKay. Give her a break.

oOo


	16. Season 4, part 4

**AN: **Thanks for the reviews! It's good to see some of you are still with me on this one.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for Trio, Midway, The Kindred I+II and The Last Man.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Sam: **Samantha Carter  
**ColonelEl:** Abe Ellis  
**T: **Teal'c  
**Fairly Tailed Scientist: **Calvin Kavanagh

**Topic: Mining facilities  
Posted by: Sam  
Name: Samantha Carter  
Posted: 08-13-08  
Poll: None**

**Sam:** May I have everyone's attention, please? From this day forward, mining planets are to be avoided. If you encounter a mining facility on a yet unexplored planet, you are not to explore it unless you take proper precautions first - such as making sure the ceiling is stable.

**Geniusatwork:** As well as the floor.

**Firefly:** You should also find out if the native kids have been raised properly.

**Geniusatwork: **And _do_ make sure the facility has more than one exit.

**Firefly: **Hypothetically speaking.

**Sam:** Right.

oOo

**Topic: Who would you rather?  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-13-08  
Poll: Angelina Jolie or Cameron Diaz?  
**_**Results up to now: Angelina Jolie: 0 votes / Cameron Diaz: 1 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **All right, I've been thinking. If we're going to play this game, we should do it correctly. No one wants to choose between Robert Redford and Paul Newman, right? So let me ask you: Angelina Jolie or Cameron Diaz? Cameron Diaz has _my_ vote.

**Cadgirl:** Robert Redford.

**YoursTruly:** I agree.

**Firefly:** Newman, all the way.

**Sam:** Absolutely.

**LoOrne:** Hmm… the wrongness of this question aside, I'd prefer Redford - in a very straight and innocent way.

**Shep:** Don't ask, don't tell, Major? Kidding. Redford has my vote, too.

**DeX:** Newman.

**Caldwell: **Both.

oOo

**Topic: Betting pool  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 08-17-08  
Poll: Who would win in a fight between Ronon and Teal'c?  
**_**Results up to now: Ronon; 98 votes / Teal'c 87 votes**_

**Shep: **It costs 4 dollars to place a bet.

**LoOrne: **Teal'c. No offence, Ronon.

**Geniusatwork:** You do realize he's not going to Earth indefinitely, Major, and that you just signed your own death warrant?

**Sam: **Teal'c.

**T:** Indeed.

**DeX:** #^&(&##

**Shep:** What's with you people? I'm betting on Ronon.

**Cadgirl:** Me 2.

**YoursTruly:** I do not believe it will come to a true fight between them.

**Shep:** You did not just say that. Haven't you seen the looks they've been giving each other all day? We'll be sending Teal'c's remains home in a match box before this day is over. You know what; I think I'm going to see what they're up to. They were last spotted in the Mess, right?

**LoOrne:** Good luck, Sir.

**Geniusatwork:** For God's sake don't think of breaking up their fight by putting yourself in between them.

**Shep:** Wouldn't dream of it, McKay.

**McKay:** You will excuse me for not taking your word for it, Sammy Suicide.

oOo

**Topic: Midway Station  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 08-20-08  
Poll: Teal'c should wear his hair A. long B. short C. hair?  
**_**Results up to now: A; 3 votes / B; 25 votes / C; 47 votes **_

**LoOrne: **Since apparently, no one else was going to post a message about the destruction of Midway Station, I thought I'd be the one to break the news. From now on, we'll be taking three weeks trips on the Daedalus again.

**Caldwelll: **We do not have Sudoku books on board, so I strongly suggest you bring along something to read.

**Fairly Tailed Scientist:** I request private quarters. I want to spend my journey in SILENCE.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh please. _You're _the one that couldn't stop babbling.

**Fairly Tailed Scientist:** I had to do _something_ to drown out your constant sneezing.

**Geniusatwork:** I can't help it if _you_ set off allergic reactions.

**Shep:** Stop it. Just… STOP IT!

**DeX:** Wanna borrow my gun?

**Shep:** No. Just shoot me.

oOo

**Topic: Ice Cream  
Posted by: YoursTruly  
Name: Teyla Emmagan  
Posted: 08-22-08  
Poll: None**

**YoursTruly: **I believe I crave ice cream. When is the Daedalus set to bring us more?

**ChuckDuck:** It just left for Earth. I think it will be back in a six weeks.

**YoursTruly:** What?

**DeX:** Deep breaths…

**Shep:** Close your eyes and count 'till ten.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh, for God's sake; keep those hormones in check!

oOo

**Topic: Regarding the clone  
Posted by: Sam  
Name: Samantha Carter  
Posted: 08-29-08  
Poll: None**

**Sam:** I'm open to suggestions.

**Geniusatwork:** What do you intend to do with it? Destroy it? It's Carson!

**Sam:** This is a complicated situation, Rodney. We don't know if he's been compromised.

**Shep:** We should be focusing on rescuing Teyla right now.

**DeX:** It's the doc. Can't just kill him.

**Cadgirl: **What's wrong with you? We're talking about Carson Beckett here. He wouldn't hurt a fly.

**Firefly: **Colonel Sheppard, Colonel Carter, please report to the infirmary right now.

**Geniusatwork:** Hey! What about me?

oOo

**Topic: I'm sorry  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 08-29-08  
Poll: None**

**LoOrne:** I'm sorry, Sir. I'm the one who let Teyla get captured.

**Shep:** I trust you did everything you could, Major. It's not your fault this galaxy's messed up.

**LoOrne:** How's Carson doing?

**Geniusatwork:** He's going to be put in stasis - a pod.

**IwearGLassEs:** N_euveritelny._

**Shep:** You can say that again.

**IwearGLassEs:** _Neuveritelny. _

**Caldwelll:** You'll get Teyla back.

**Shep:** We'd better.

**Caldwelll:** Need me to make it an order?

**Shep:** Don't. You know how good I am at taking those.

**Shep:** ... Sir.

oOo

**Topic: Alarm  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-12-08  
Poll: I'm going to lose my mind  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 45 votes / No; 2 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Look, it's been ten days. First Teyla, now Sheppard – when are people going to stop disappearing?

**LoOrne:** They both got lost on my account.

**Geniusatwork:** Much as I'd love to point fingers right now – not your fault. How are we going to get them back?

**Sam:** Our searching teams are already at it, Rodney. Be patient.

**Geniusatwork:** No, you don't understand. I used to be part of a team, you know. And there were _four _people on that team: one leader, one diplomat, one scientist and… Ronon. What's happening to us?

**Sam:** You could be assigned to another team for the time being.

**Geniusatwork: **And, what, leave Chewie to fend for himself? Not happening. We're all that remains of SGA-1. We need to stick together.

**DeX: **Whatever. I'm going for a run.

**Geniusatwork:** Without Sheppard…

**ChuckDuck: ***sniff*

**LoOrne:** Darn…

**IwearGLassEs:** _Neuveritelny…  
_  
**Geniusatwork:** Could someone _please_ get that Czech off this forum?

TBC...


	17. Season 5, part 1

**AN: **Thanks for all the positive feedback. Reviews are very much appreciated.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for Search and Rescue, the Seed, Broken Ties, The Daedalus Variations, and Ghost in the Machine.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Dick: **Richard Woolsey  
**ColonelEl:** Abe Ellis  
**Scotty:** Beckett

**Topic: Torren JOHN Emmagan?!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-20-08  
Poll: The Simpsons or South Park?  
**_**Results up to now: The Simpsons; 87 votes / South Park; 45 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Seriously, I practically gave birth to Torren myself. Why did Teyla name him after Sheppard, instead of after me?

**Shep:** Because she would've been reported for child abuse if she'd called her son Meredith, McKay.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh har, har. That is _so_ funny. Do you see me laugh? No? How very odd.

**DeX****:** I don't get it. Teyla said he's named after her father. Her father's name is Tagan.

**Firefly: **Don't be ridiculous. Teyla would never forget the name of her father.

**Geniusatwork:** You're just jealous she didn't name him Ronon.

oOo

**Topic: ****Following orders  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-20-08  
Poll: We did NOT just lose another jumper!  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 44 votes **_

**Shep: **We really need to have a talk about following orders, Ronon. Because I think the bit where _I_ give the orders and _you_ carry them out was lost on you.

**DeX:** Wasn't gonna leave you down there.

**Shep:** I gave you a direct order.

**DeX:** I know. I ignored it.

**Shep:** See, this is where we disagree.

**DeX:** Teyla told me to disobey you if you're acting stupid. You were.

**Shep:** Teyla?!

**YoursTruly:** I am sorry, John, but this is between you and Ronon.

**Shep:** Like hell it is. What else did you tell him?

**DeX:** To stun you when you're acting stupid. Good advice.

**S****hep:** Come on, I don't get compromised _that_ often. How many times have you shot me?

**DeX:** Lost count.

oOo

**Topic:**** Change of leadership  
Posted by: Dick  
Name: Richard Woolsey  
Posted: 09-23-08  
Poll: None**

**Dick: **May I have everyone's attention, please? I, Richard Woolsey, have replaced Colonel Carter as the leader of this expedition. Now, I'd like to be brought up to speed as quickly as possible. I'll start by going over the reports of Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay. In the meantime, I want every member of this expedition to write something about the project they're currently working on. Please hand in the files to Amelia Banks once completed. That was it for now. I'll let you know the moment I have a new rule to add to the list.

**DeX:** Rule?

**Cadgirl: **List?

**Shep: **Don't ask.

oOo

**Topic: ****Conference table  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-24-08  
Poll: Woolsey has the taste of a drunken whale  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 58 votes / No; 2 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Seriously; what the hell?

**LoOrne: **I know what you mean.

**YoursTruly:** I find the new table to be very… unique.

**DeX:** She hates it.

**YoursTruly:** Has anyone seen Doctor Keller today? She did not join me for breakfast.

**Shep:** She must have gone into hiding.

**Scotty:** Because of the table? Surely it can't be tha' bad?

**Geniusatwork:** I am not good at this, but… seeing you post a message again, Carson, it just… you know, I… well, welcome back.

**Scotty:** Thank ye, Rodney, though I won't be here for much longer.

**Cadgirl:** Why don't you join Keller in hiding? I promise to bring you food twice a day.

**Geniusatwork: **That's brilliant, Cadman.

**Dick: **May I request you get back to work, Doctor McKay, Colonel Sheppard and other members of this expedition? As of yet, I have only received three files on my desk.

**Shep:** Ronon, Ronon, you just couldn't help yourself, could you?

**Geniusatwork:** Don't write so much; we don't want you suffering from hand cramps.

oOo

**Topic: Help?****  
Posted by: Dick  
Name: Richard Woolsey  
Posted: 10-03-08  
Poll: None**

**Dick: **Could somebody please get me out of the conference room?

**Dick:** At least tell me how to open the doors.

**Dick:** Anybody?

oOo

**Topic: Welcome back  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 10-07-08  
Poll: One day we're going to make a wraith kneel for us****  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 24 votes / No; 2 votes**_

**Shep: **Welcome back, Chewie. I heard you didn't break any gurneys today, so I think it's safe to say you're okay.

**DeX:** I'm sorry.

**Geniusatwork:** Hey, at least you didn't shoot Sheppard this time.

**Shep:** He hit me in the face.

**YoursTruly:** John...

**Geniusatwork: **Convincing Ronon he's not to blame here...

**Shep:** That's okay. I'll make sure to give him a good knock in the head the next time we spar.

**DeX:** You're on.

**Firefly: **I need a medical team standing by outside the Gym.

oOo

**Topic: I did not drop Torren  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-21-08  
Poll: Babies are heavy ****  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 16 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **I didn't.

**Shep:** Sure, sure.

**Geniusatwork:** I am telling you he jumped out of my arms.

**Cadgirl:** Well, I know _I'd_ be anxious to get out of your arms as soon as possible.

**Geniusatwork: **I want to hold Torren again.

**Shep:** You don't even _like_ kids.

**Geniusatwork:** That is _so_ beside the point.

**Shep:** Tell you what, the moment we're done checking out the Daedalus, I'll buy you a doll to practice on.

oOo

**Topic: Pot, cattle  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 10-22-08  
Poll: Would Sheppard's hair look the same in every alternate reality?****  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 145 votes / No; 0 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **And you have the nerve to complain about my ego? You were practically flirting with Sheppard X by telling him how supposedly great you are.

**Sheppard:** Just thought the man deserved some recognition. And what can I say, I kinda liked the guy.

**DeX:** Those aliens in our reality, too?

**YoursTruly:** I certainly hope not.

**Geniusatwork:** My shoulder. Ow, ow - cramp. Shoulder cramp. Leaving this conversation.

**Shep:** Don't let the door hit your ego on the way out.

oOo

**Topic: He-l-P  
Posted by: Liz##3-  
Name: Eli-##8za^**bbbbth  
Posted: 11-03-08  
Poll: None**

**Li#-38zz: **HEL---P

**Shep:** ?

**Geniusatwork:** Must be a system blip.

oOo

**Topic: She's still out there  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 11-14-08  
Poll: None**

**LoOrne: **Right?

**Geniusatwork:** I hate to break it to you, Major, but we blew her _out into space_.

**LoOrne:** Which is exactly where she found you, so ultimately... nothing's really changed.

**Shep:** You managed to revive Niam after months of exposure to hard vacuum.

**Geniusatwork:** Well, then why did we do it in the first place?

**DeX:** We shouldn't have.

**YoursTruly:** Elizabeth would have wanted us to.

**Shep:** I know, she wanted to make things right. But she has, right? We don't have to save the others, all we have to do is pick _her _up...

**Dick:** Colonel, I want to save Dr. Weir as much as you do, but I'm afraid I can not authorize this particular mission.

**Shep:** Your point being?

**Geniusatwork:** Maybe he expects you to follow his orders.

**Shep:** He does?

**DeX:** So, are we doing this?

**Dick:** I must warn you: the moment Dr. Weir sets foot in this city, I will have her destroyed.

**Geniusatwork:** Let's just... bide our time, okay?

**Shep:** Time is something she doesn't have, McKay.

**Geniusatwork:** Look, command is constantly changing around here. Do you really expect Woolsey to last more than a few months?

**Shep:** Good point. All right, we'll wait for Woolsey to disappear.

**YoursTruly:** Ronon, do not even think about it!

**DeX:** It's set to stun!

oOo


	18. Season 5, part 2

**AN: **Thanks for the wonderful reviews.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for The Shrine, Whispers, The Queen, Tracker and First Contact.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**Huge: **Halling  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Dick: **Richard Woolsey  
**ColonelEl:** Abe Ellis  
**Scotty:** Carson Beckett  
**Dust29:**Dusty Mehra  
**Portal: **Alison Porter  
**1d2fg3:** Todd  
**Dannyboy:** Daniel Jackson

**Topic: John?!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 11-29-08  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **John? Where are you? JOHN!

**Shep:** It's all right, Rodney. I'm right here if you need me.

**Geniusatwork:** John...

**Firefly:** I think you'd better come over to the infirmary, Colonel. There's nothing I can say or do to calm him down.

**Geniusatwork: **I am not a... genius. I need a new username.

**Shep:** Yes, you are and no, you don't. You're the smartest man in two galaxies, Rodney, _you_ told me so several times.

**Geniusatwork:** Where - where are you?

**Shep:** I'm coming. I'll be right with you.

**YoursTruly:** It is most remarkable that Rodney still knows how to use his laptop.

**DeX: **...

**Shep:** Oh, knock it off. It's not _his _fault he forgot your name the other day.

oOo

**Topic: You're evil  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 12-06-08  
Poll: It's even freakier to have a parasite in your mind that's **_**not **_**a Goa'uld, right?  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 0 votes / No; 0 votes / Is this a rhetorical question?: 56 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **I was going to die and _you_ wouldn't let me have a little ham. That's just evil.

**Shep:** You're welcome, Rodney. I'm glad we've managed to save your life, too.

**YoursTruly:** It is true that it is not wise to apply food before surgery.

**DeX: **How'd you know?

**YoursTruly:** The Doctor in _House _has told me so several times.

**Cadgirl:** Hey, Rodney - it's nice to know you remember I once inhabited your body again. I was afraid I wasn't going to be able to tease you anymore!

**ChuckDuck:** Glad to see you're okay, Dr. McKay.

**LoOrne:** Welcome back, McKay. Here's to many more insufferable missions together.

**Dick: **My shower does not appear to be responding to any of my commands. I have to admit I'm starting to grow tired of taking cold showers every morning. Could you please come over to my quarters to fix the problem, Dr. McKay?

**Geniusatwork:** Oh yes, feeling the love here.

**Firefly:** Well...

**Geniusatwork:** Please, Jennifer. This is NOT the place.

oOo

**Topic: Are you OK  
Posted by: Scotty  
Name: Carson Beckett  
Posted: 12-28-08  
Poll: None**

**Scotty: **Are ye sure ye're alright, Alison?

**Portal: **I am fine, Carson. But that doesn't stop me from worrying about you. Why can't you come back to Atlantis?

**Scotty: **Because I can't just sit back and watch while others in this galaxy are suffering. I need ter be out here, helping those poor buggers.

**Shep: **You know, doc - I've requested she be allowed to assist you. Woolsey's thinking about it.

**Scotty:** Thank ye, son.

**Dust29:** You do realize they're never going to get, like, any work done together, right? Well - not _that_ sort of work anyway.

**Portal:** Dusty!

**Scotty: **We'll try ter contain ourselves ;-)

**Dust29:** Ugh...

**Geniusatwork:** Do I even _want _to know, Carson?

**DeX:** You wanna know everything, so... yeah.

**Cadgirl: **What the hell is this?

**Geniusatwork:** Uh oh

**Shep:** It looks like we're gonna need another Carson clone to keep the ladies happy.

oOo

**Topic: I don't like it  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 01-13-09  
Poll: We shouldn't help the Wraith  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 89 votes / No; 4 votes**_

**DeX: **I don't like it.

**Shep:** Yeah, yeah - we know. We don't like it either. Fact is, Teyla wants to do it.

**Geniusatwork:** Are you kidding? Of course she doesn't. Todd pressured her into doing this.

**YoursTruly:** I am the only one on this base who is capable of posing as a Wraith Queen. I _have_ to do this.

**Geniusatwork:** Does that sound like a willing person to you, Sheppard?

**LoOrne: **Here's an idea: why don't we stick Kanaan in a dress and let _him_ do it?

**ChuckDuck:** That would at least give him a purpose. And God knows the man could use some character development.

**Shep:** ?

**Geniusatwork:** What's going on around this forum lately?

oOo

**Topic: Todd  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 01-26-09  
Poll: What will the Wraith eat when they can't feed on humans anymore?  
**_**Results up to now: Blue Jell-O; 5 votes / Meatloaf; 3 votes / What's the point? Everything tastes like chicken anyway; 74 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **I'm still not convinced it was wise to leave Todd in charge of the Alliance.

**Shep:** Well, we know that the Wraith are evil. He's just... less evil.

**Cadgirl:** Better him than another wraith, right? The less Queens, the better...

**1d2fg3: **I assure you I will not betray you, Johnsheppard.

**Shep:** How the hell did Todd get access to this forum? And what's with the serial number?

**1d2fg3:** You could not possibly pronounce my actual name, and I refuse to accept the name you gave me.

**Shep:** All right, then, _1d2fg3_. How do we know you're speaking the truth?

**DeX: **How long ago'd you post that question?

**Shep:** Last Tuesday... Darn.

**Dick:** We will of course not take his word for it. You are to proceed with caution when it comes to dealing with Todd.

**Shep:** Thanks for the tip.

**Geniusatwork:** What would we do without you, Woolsey?

oOo

**Topic: "May the best man win"  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 02-03-09  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **Just so you know... I didn't mean like _physically _the best man.

**DeX:** Whatever

**Geniusatwork:** I would just like to point out that I'm smarter _and_ much better at science.

oOo

**Topic: Ronon?  
Posted by: IwearGLassEs  
Name: Radek Zelenka  
Posted: 02-03-09  
Poll: None**

**IwearGLasses:** Huh. Ronon just joined the chess club.

**LoOrne:** I caught him searching the Ancient Database the other day...

**Cadgirl:** Sir, since when does Ronon wear glasses?

**Geniusatwork:** Chewie?! You are just _so_... Someone teach me how to spar. Now.

oOo

**Topic: Daniel Jackson coming over to Atlantis  
Posted by: Dick  
Name: Richard Woolsey  
Posted: 02-16-09  
Poll: Who knows how the showers work?!  
**_**Results up to now: I; 0 votes / Not me; 67 votes **_

**Dick: **I have some very exciting news. Doctor Daniel Jackson of SG-1 is coming over to Atlantis.

**Geniusatwork:** So? We have people coming over all the time.

**Shep:** Rodney, stop being a jerk about it.

**Caldwelll:** Dr. Jackson is ready to beam down.

**ChuckDuck:** Hey! You stole my line...

**DeX:** So? Banks does it all the time. Get used to it.

**Dannyboy:** Hi everyone. Um, McKay - I need you to...

**Geniusatwork:** Right. Of course. Coming.

**Shep:** Have fun, kids. Oh, and Rodney? They need him back on Earth. Don't give him an aneurysm.

oOo

**Topic: Missing  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 02-18-09  
Poll: Chuck or Banks?  
**_**Results up to now: Chuck; 67 votes / Banks; 23 votes **_

**Shep: **Dr. McKay and Dr. Jackson have been kidnapped by a bunch of aliens. We're doing _everything _we can to get them back safely.

**Cadgirl:** Wait 'till Vala hears about this...

**LoOrne:** We have to find Dr. Jackson _before_ she comes over to Atlantis to find him herself.

**ChuckDuck:** Oh no... Search harder.

**IwearGLassEs:** Er, Colonel... the Gate's about to explode.

**Shep:** WHAT?!

**IwearGLassEs:** We have very little time.

**Shep:** Well... I suppose it's a good thing I didn't make any promises to Woolsey. Where's McKay when you need him?

**YoursTruly:** Get up to the Gate Room _now_, John.

**Shep:** All right, all right - running.

**IwearGLassEs:** Run faster.

**Shep:** I swear you're becoming more and more like McKay every day.

_TBC..._


	19. Season 5, part 3

**AN: **I know, I know... It's been way too long. In my defence, I didn't see the back half of season 5 until last week, so the story wouldn't have made much sense if I'd continued earlier.

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for The Lost Tribe, Outsiders, Inquisition, The Prodigal and Remnants.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Dick: **Richard Woolsey  
**Scotty:** Carson Beckett  
**Dust29: **Dusty Mehra  
**Tellme: **Anne Teldy  
**Technilia: **Amelia Banks  
**Wrathful Wraith**: Michael

**Topic:**** The Gate blew up?  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 02-18-09  
Poll: Why does stuff like that still surprise me after four years?  
**_**Results up to now: Young and naïve; 6 votes / Ignorant; 18 votes**_

**Shep: **Seriously. Why does EVERYTHING have to blow up in this galaxy?

**ChuckDuck:** I'm thinking TPTB put in explosions because they look cool on screen.

**Shep:** ?

**Cadgirl:** They're even cooler when you watch them on _big_ screen.

**YoursTruly**: I find myself to be more interested in character driven stories and character development.

**LoOrne**: _Ratings_, Teyla, think of the ratings…

**Dannyboy**: Unlike plots and storylines, explosions can be used over and over again…

**Geniusatwork**: Would you people please stop posting things I don't understand? And WHY did you put so much salt on your fries, Jackson? Were you trying to kill me? I'll have you know my kidneys are extremely sensitive.

**Dannyboy**: So, Teyla – you were saying about character development…?

oOo

**T****opic: Evil Asgard…  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 02-20-09  
Poll: Rogue Asgard or Replicators?  
**_**Results up to now: Rogue Asgard; 4 votes / Replicators; 6 votes / Who cares? They're both rip-offs; 87 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **This is a warning to everyone: do not trust any, I repeat ANY Asgard you may encounter. They're most likely out to kill every single human in this galaxy. Don't be fooled by their huge innocent eyes and their… their… cute little voices.

**Sheppard: **At least your versions were wearing spacesuits… they sound a lot better than the naked ones I've encountered.

**Dannyboy: **The Asgard as a race aren't evil, McKay. At least, they didn't use to be.

**Geniusatwork: **If it looks like a duck, talks like a duck…

**Shep:** … and walks like a duck: it's probably an Asgard bent on strangling you in your sleep – doing so nakedly.

**Geniusatwork:** The Rogue Asgard wear spacesuits, Colonel. I just told you that.

**Shep:** Maybe there are even more dangerous Rogue Asgard out there - _without_ pants.

**Cadgirl****:** :O

oOo

**Topic: ****Funny stories?  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 03-12-09  
Poll: That clone should be beheaded for ridiculing me in front of the Balarans  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 1 votes / No; 134 votes**_

**Geniusatwork: **All right, spill it. What have you been telling those people about me?

**Scotty: **I'm no' telling ye anything, Rodney. As a doctor, I'm bound by professional secrecy.

**Geniusatwork**: Please, the only rights you'd be violating would be your own rights – just like you violated _my_ privacy rights by telling them… _what_ was it you were telling them?

**Shep**: Maybe it had something to do with his habit of collecting Happy Meal toys…

**LoOrne**: Or his tendency to walk into the same Ancient fountain over and over again…

**DeX: **Wearing elastic compressions?

**Shep**: Hey, where did you learn those words?

**YoursTruly**: We should not be harassing Rodney, for he most heroically helped save the lives of the Balarans. There is no need to tease him about his flaws; even the best of men drool in their sleep sometimes.

**Shep**: He _what_?

oOo

**T****opic: Jervis  
Posted by: YoursTruly  
Name: Teyla Emmagan  
Posted: 03-12-09  
Poll: None**

**YoursTruly: **I can not help but think that there must have been another way to dispose of the Wraith. I feel awful about sending Jervis to his death.

**DeX**: He was a traitor.

**YoursTruly**: He was trying to protect his own people, as we would.

**Dick**: Colonel Sheppard, I get the distinct feeling you left out some details in your report…

**DeX**: He didn't. I wrote it for him.

**Shep**: No, he didn't. I always write my own reports.

**Dick**: _'We went to a planet. The Wraith came. We killed them.' _I think he may just be telling the truth, Colonel. Now, would you care to explain to me exactly why and how you sent this Jarvis person to his death?

**DeX**: We blew him up.

**Shep: **It was the only way to save the Balarans.

**YoursTruly**: Still, that does not change the fact that we should have tried to find another way…

**Shep**: Don't you have some diapers to change?

**Geniusatwork**: Oh, yes, very subtle, Colonel.

**Shep**: Look, I'm sure we all feel bad about it. But what's done is done; it's time to move on.

**Firefly**: Speaking of moving things… The new medical supplies need to get brought down to the infirmary. Ronon, would you mind giving me a hand?

**DeX**: No. Ask McKay.

**Shep**: Ouch.

oOo

**Topic:**** Jacobs, Swift, Spencer, Mully  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 04-03-09  
Poll: I'm getting too old for this crap  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 65 votes **_

**LoOrne: **Much as I hate being predictable: Lt. Colonel Sheppard's team is missing. Again. Jacobs, Swift, Spencer and Mully – I know you were given the rest of the day off, but… it looks like we're heading out again.

**Anonymous**** 1**: Does that mean I'm not going to take a shower?

**Anonymous 2: **It means your CO is in trouble, Mully. Now get up to the Gate Room.

**Anonymous 1:** Hey Swift, are we the only ones who voted 'yes' to the poll?

**Anonymous ****3: **Seems that way…

**Anonymous 1:** Why does the female population even have access to this forum?

**Cadgirl:** Mully? I know where you live.

**LoOrne**: Mully, Swift, if you're not up here in five minutes, I'll make sure that the two of you will be representing Atlantis in the Coalition of planets.

oOo

**Topic:**** ?  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 04-04-09  
Poll: Who's Harvard?  
**_**Results up to now: No idea; 0 votes / **_

**DeX: **Woolsey was an advocate for _Hartshorn and Slaughter_? Sounds dangerous…

**Shep**: McKay? You do the explaining this time.

**Geniusatwork**: What? No no no no no, I _just_ explained to him that Killer Sudoku's aren't actually life threatening. It's your turn now.

**IwearGLassEs****: **Actually, you didn't explain that to him, Rodney. You told me to do it.

**Shep: **Is that true?

**Geniusatwork**: _No_.

**Firefly**: Maybe no one needs to explain anything to Ronon. I mean, you could also just, I don't know, wait for him to read your reactions, no?

**Geniusatwork**: It's the principle of the thing. Why would I have to do the explaining?

**Shep**: Because I _ordered_ you to.

**LoOrne**: Nice one, Sir.

**Cadgirl**: Oooh, are they bickering again? Who's gonna win?

**ChuckDuck**: I'm betting on Sheppard.

**Technilia**: Well, _I'm_ betting on McKay.

**ChuckDuck**: Whoever wins gets to be in next week's episode, Amelia.

**Technilia**: Deal. You are going down, Chuck.

**Dick**: Can we please put an end to this discussion?

**YoursTruly**: I find that to be a very suggestion, Mr. Woolsey. Ronon, have you read any of this?

**DeX**: No. Go on.

oOo

**Topic:**** Warning  
Posted by: YoursTruly  
Name: Teyla Emmagan  
Posted: 05-14-09  
Poll: None**

**YoursTruly: **I would like to make everyone aware of the fact that the Mess Hall has become a truly hazardous area. Colonel Sheppard and Dr. McKay have taken to manoeuvring miniature cars through the cafeteria with great velocity. If you do not feel like getting _run over_, I strongly suggest you avoid the Mess Hall from now on.

**Tellme: **Well, _I_ suggest you stay in your quarters from now on, because I just spotted them in the Gate Room. I think the red car was winning; McKay's car lost a wheel in the _kawoosh _when Lorne's team dialled in.

**Dust29****: **Cool.

**IwearGLassEs****: **_Já ho zabiju. To je magor, naprostej idiot._

**Geniusatwork**: I _said_ I was sorry.

**Firefly**: You should be able to walk again in a few days, Radek.

**Dick**: From now on, remote controlled car races will be banned to the far corridors on the East Pier.

oOo

**Topic:**** At last  
Posted by: Wrathful Wraith  
Name: Michael  
Posted: 05-14-09  
Poll: None**

**Wrathful Wraith: **At last, the day of retribution has come. You will regret you did this to me. You will regret ever coming to this galaxy. You will regret your very existences.

**Shep: **Is that…?

**Geniusatwork****:** It can't be…

**ChuckDuck****: **Michael?

**Shep****: **Who gave that creep access to our forum?

**LoOrne****: **It wasn't me, Sir.

**Cadgirl****:** Me neither.

**Geniusatwork****:** Maybe it was of the Athosians… You know, Halling or… what was his name again? The guy I didn't know existed until Teyla mentioned him last year?

**Shep****:** Kanaan? That's it, I'm gonna kill that guy.

**Wrathful Wraith:** You can't stop me. This city, and everyone in it, will soon be destroyed.

**Geniusatwork: **What, again? You'll excuse me for not taking your word for it.

**Shep**: All right, we need to get moving, people.

**Tellme: **Sir, I strongly suggest we discuss strategies elsewhere.

**Wrathful Wraith:** You should have killed me when you had the chance, Colonel.

**Shep:** McKay? Could you please do something to delete Mikies account?

**Dust29: **How about we get to the good part where we delete Michael in person…or in Wraith. Or whatever the hell he… _it_ is.

oOo

**Topic:**** Still here  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 05-15-09  
Poll: Who's gonna fill Michael's shoes?  
**_**Results up to now: the Wraith; 23 votes / the Rogue Asgard; 12 votes / the Furlings; 35 votes **_

**Shep: **I'm pleased to announce Michael's been defeated, and that my suicide mission was successfully aborted.

**Cadgirl:** What? Were you doing it again? Was he doing it again?

**Firefly:** Apparently, he didn't go through with it in the end…

**LoOrne****:** Are you sure, doc? I'd check his pulse if I were you, just to make sure he didn't actually commit suicide…

**Geniusatwork****:** Hey, don't talk to her like that.

**Dick: **No arguing, please.

**YoursTruly: **We rid the galaxy of a great evil yesterday. We should be celebrating, not bickering with one another.

**Shep: **Yeah, Ronon, let's celebrate. Bring out the balloons.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh, joy. I'm gonna bake a cake…

**YoursTruly:** At the very least we could treat each other _nicely _today.

**Shep:** All right. We can do that. Hey Ronon, wanna spar?

**DeX:** Coming.

**Geniusatwork:** Don't kill each other.

**Shep:** Thanks for the advice, Rodney. You truly are a good friend.

**DeX:** Yeah… _nice_ of you to warn us.

oOo

**Topic:**** Mission report  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 05-15-09  
Poll: None**

**DeX: **Mission report: Michael invaded Atlantis, tried to blow it up. We stopped him. End of report.

**Shep: **Nice. Can I borrow that?

**DeX:** Already handed it in to Woolsey.

**Shep:** Darn…

**Geniusatwork:** Write your own report, Colonel.

**Dick: **I concur.

**ChuckDuck: **Mr. Woolsey? Colonel Sheppard just locked himself in a storage room in corridor five.

**Dick:** What's stored in that room?

**ChuckDuck:** … Food.

**LoOrne:** That means he's gonna last a while.

**Dick:** …

**Cadgirl:** You have to admit it's genius.

oOo

**Topic:**** Ode  
Posted by: IwearGLassEs  
Name: Radek Zelenka  
Posted: 06-03-09  
Poll: None**

**IwearGLassEs: **I humbly bow down to the greatness that is Rodney McKay.

**Cadgirl:** ?

**Firefly: **Radek? Are you sure you're alright?

**Dick:** Dr. Conrad just told me he's fine.

**LoOrne:** Who? Who's Dr. Conrad?

**ChuckDuck:** The name isn't on our list of base personnel…

**Di****ck: **Sure it is, Chet. You must have overlooked it.

**ChuckDuck:** Chuck, it's _Chuck_.

oOo


	20. Season 5, part 4

**Spoilers:** This chapter contains spoilers for Brainstorm, Infection, Identity, Vegas and Enemy at the Gate.

**Members: **

**Geniusatwork: **Rodney McKay  
**Shep**: John Sheppard  
**YoursTruly**: Teyla Emmagan  
**IwearGLassEs**: Radek Zelenka  
**Cadgirl: **Laura Cadman  
**LoOrne: **Evan Lorne **  
DeX: **Ronon Dex  
**ChuckDuck: **Chuck Campbell  
**Caldwelll: **Steven Caldwell  
**Firefly: **Jennifer Keller  
**Dick: **Richard Woolsey  
**Scotty:** Carson Beckett  
**Sam:** Samantha Carter  
**Dust29: **Dusty Mehra  
**Portal: **Alison Porter  
**Technilia: **Amelia Banks  
**1d2fg3:** Todd

**Topic:**** What are you waiting for, Rodney?  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 06-13-09  
Poll: Our Head of Science needs to pull his head out of his ***  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 46 votes / No; 0 votes **_

**Shep: **Read topic title.

**Geniusatwork:** What am I waiting for?

**Shep:** I just asked you that.

**Geniusatwork: **I know. _Why_ did you ask me that?

**Shep:** Because I wanna know the answer.

**Geniusatwork:** I don't even understand the question!

**Shep: **Aren't you supposed to be a genius?

**LoOrne:** I hate to break it to you, McKay, but… even _I_ know what he's talking about.

**YoursTruly:** As do I…

**Cadgirl:** Me 2.

**Firefly:** Well, _I_ have no idea.

**Shep:** No, that's kind of my point.

**Geniusatwork:** ?

**Firefly: **All right, what is going on?

**Shep:** I give up. Teyla, you deal with them.

**YoursTruly:** Rodney… is there not something you wish to tell Jennifer?

**ChuckDuck: **As in right now?

**Technilia:** Before we all go crazy?

**Cadgirl:** Speak for yourself. They've already driven _me_ insane!

**Geniusatwork: **Er… Jennifer? Would you like to, sort of, have lunch with me this afternoon?

**Firefly:** I'd like that.

**Shep:** You're welcome, people.

oOo

**Topic:**** Raising the shield  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 07-15-09  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **I say raising the shield is our best option.

**Dick:** I disagree, Dr. McKay. Raising the shield means dropping the cloak. It will draw them straight to our position.

**Geniusatwork:** So? They are coming straight for us _already_. If we don't raise that shield, their weapon fire will destroy this city and everyone in it. Now I don't know about you, but _I'm_ rather attached to myself.

**Shep:** How long till they get here?

**Geniusatwork:** An hour at most. Look, I think you should head down to the Chair Room.

**Shep: **Kill them before they kill us?

**Geniusatwork:** That sounds like an effective strategy.

**YoursTruly:** We do not even know what they want from us yet.

**DeX:** Who cares? They're Wraith.

**Geniusatwork:** Yeah, I'm pretty sure they want to kill us.

**Dick:** Colonel Sheppard, are you on your way to the Chair Room?

**YoursTruly: **Colonel Sheppard does not seem to be responding.

**DeX:** Must mean he's on his way.

**Geniusatwork:** Or, you know, playing golf at the West Pier…

**Dick:** How long till they get here?

**Geniusatwork: **You're standing right next to me. Why don't you just ask me in person?

**Dick:** All right. Stand by.

oOo

**Topic:**** We curing Wraith now?  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 07-15-09  
Poll: Wraith need killing, not curing  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 12 votes / No; 4 votes **_

**DeX: **…

**Firefly:** I understand how you feel, Ronon, but if we succeed in eliminating their need to feed, we might be able to convince every Wraith in this galaxy to take the treatment.

**DeX:** …

**Shep: **You take the words right out of my mouth, buddy, but… the doc's right. We need to at least try. If it doesn't work, I promise we'll be back to blasting Hives out of the sky within weeks.

**Dick:** Colonel…

**Shep:** Permission to cheer up my friend, Woolsey?

**Dick:** Permission granted.

**DeX:** Permission to carry out his promise, Woolsey?

**Dick: **Request duly noted.

oOo

**Topic:**** I've had it  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-15-09  
Poll: Crash-landing should be prohibited by law  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 3 votes / No; 97 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **What is it with you and crash-landings? And why do you _always_ insist on dragging me along?

**Shep:** I don't _always_ crash-land, Rodney.

**LoOrne:** No, he doesn't McKay. I'd say he crash-lands about… 50 percent of the time.

**Cadgirl:** Nah, you're exaggerating. More like 45 percent.

**Dust29: **Cool.

**Shep:** Do I have to play the Commanding Officer card?

**Geniusatwork:** I'm not under your command, Colonel.

**Shep:** You're on my team. Sure you are.

**ChuckDuck:** 48 percent?

**IwearGLassEs****: **More or less.

**Portal: **I'd go with 49, just to be on the safe side.

**Shep:** All right, who's in charge of the civilians?

**Dick:** That would be me.

**Shep:** Care to tell them to knock it off?

**Dick:** Of course. Can we please bring an end to this _pointless_ discussion, people? As a matter of fact, you're all wrong. I had Amelia calculate it's only just 41 percent of the time.

oOo

**Topic:**** Untitled  
Posted by: 1d2fg3:** **  
Name: Todd  
Posted: 08-16-09  
Poll: The need to feed is what defines the Wraith  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 106 votes / No; 2 votes **_

**1d2fg3: **Thank you, Johnsheppard.

**DeX: **#

**Geniusatwork:** Oh, _now_ he's in trouble.

**LoOrne:** Who? Todd?

**Shep:** Yep.

**YoursTruly:** How so?

**Geniusatwork:** Ronon just gave him the look.

**LoOrne:** Oh…

**Cadgirl:** You mean _the look_?

**LoOrne:** The very one. Todd had better start running. Fast.

**ChuckDuck:** Think there's an organisation like _Amnesty Intergalactical_?

**Shep:** If there is, I'm donating.

oOo

**Topic:**** Jennifer?!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 08-21-09  
Poll: None**

**Geniusatwork: **Are you alright?

**Firefly:** #&%*()

**Geniusatwork:** ?

**Firefly:** Forgive me. I am still

**Firefly:** trying to figure out how

**Firefly:** this device works.

**Shep: **Someone want to run a diagnostic on the doc? Someone other than the doc herself, I mean?

**DeX:** Well…

**Geniusatwork:** Hands off, Chewie.

oOo

**Topic:**** Hah!  
Posted by: DeX  
Name: Ronon Dex  
Posted: 08-22-09  
Poll: None **

**DeX: **You're welcome.

**Geniusatwork:** Oh, I am _not_ going to thank you for shooting my girlfriend.

**LoOrne:** Meh.

**Cadgirl: **What?

**LoOrne:** Nothing… It's just that… SG-1 once ran into a long-range communication device, too.

**Shep:** No, they didn't. Did they? Really?

**LoOrne:** Yep.

**Shep:** Darn.

**C****adgirl:** It's like being a second child. You know, receiving less attention from our parents, getting worn-out clothes from our older sibling…

**YoursTruly:** You would wish for even greater problems?

**Dust29:** Well, yeah.

**Cadgirl:** I want _new_ problems.

**DeX:** How 'bout we stop airing?

**Shep:** What? What are you talking about? Do you mean 'stop breathing'? You wanna suffocate, Chewie?

**DeX:** I said stop _airing_.

**Shep:** How does that work?

**Geniusatwork:** I have a feeling we're gonna find out soon.

oOo

**T****opic: Vegas  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 09-01-09  
Poll: CSI: Las Vegas or CSI: New York?  
**_**Results up to now: CSI: Las Vegas; 12 votes / CSI: New York; 25 votes **_

**LoOrne****:** Anyone see CSI: Las Vegas last night?

**Shep:** Nah… I'm not really a fan.

oOo

**Topic:**** ZPM?  
Posted by: Cadgirl  
Name: Laura Cadman  
Posted: 09-05-09  
Poll: Woolsey? Where did your rulebook go?  
**_**Results up to now: It was eaten by a whale; 4 votes / Colonel Sheppard threw it over a balcony railing; 45 votes / You forgot it even existed; 56 votes **_

**Cadgirl: **Is it true? Did the Wraith get their hands on a ZPM?

**Geniusatwork:** Yep, and it's all Todd's fault.

**1d2fg3: **You stop whining and board your Earth vessel now, Doctormckay

**Geniusatwork: **Hey! Who gave Todd a laptop?

**1d2fg3: **I acquired one of your computer devises during my last visit.

**Geniusatwork:** Weren't you busy crashing your Hive into the ocean during your last visit?

**Shep:** _McKay_! Get. On. Board.

**Caldwelll:** Agreed.

**Geniusatwork:** Yeah, yeah, just give me a moment to prepare. I'm about to face certain death again.

**Shep: **Ronon?

**DeX:** On it.

**Geniusatwork:** Whoa, wait! I'm coming. Don't unleash your watchdog on me, Colonel.

oOo

**Topic:**** Trouble  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-05-09  
Poll: I should've become a librarian or a secretary instead  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 13 votes / No; 251 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **We're in serious trouble. Some Wraith somewhere in another reality sent a coded signal, and whatever means they used to access sub-space created a rift, allowing the signal to cross into multiple realties including our own.

**LoOrne:** So?

**Geniusatwork:** It's a set of co-ordinates.

**ChuckDuck:** So?

**Geniusatwork:** To Earth.

**LoOrne:** Oh.

**ChuckDuck:** _Ah_.

oOo

**Topic:**** See you soon  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-10-09  
Poll: None**

**Shep: **All right, folks, I'm off to Earth. Make sure Atlantis gets there in time, McKay. We wouldn't want you to arrive in a dry-sucked Milky Way, now would we?

**Geniusatwork:** Sure, sure, no pressure. Have a nice trip.

**Shep:** If only my eyes wouldn't dematerialize the moment I stepped through the event horizon, the trip would be _so_ much cooler.

**Sam:** John? Are you coming?

**Shep: **I sometimes forget just how many people have access to this forum. Uh… the IOA…

**Sam:** Yep.

**Shep:** Darn. All right, I'm Coming - obediently, I might add.

oOo

**Topic:**** What?!  
Posted by: Geniusatwork  
Name: Rodney McKay  
Posted: 09-10-09  
Poll: My artificial gene is just as good as the natural gene of _some _of my colleagues  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 2 votes / No; 67 votes **_

**Geniusatwork: **Beckett's number two on the C.I.A. list? You've got to be kidding me.

**Scotty:** Did ye expect ter be on the list yourself, Rodney?

**Geniusatwork:** Well, yeah. I know more about that Ancient Chair than anyone.

**Scotty:** Aye, and I know more about bagpipes than anyone. Doesn't mean I can play one…

**Geniusatwork:** Just… do your thing.

**Scotty:** Working on it, Rodney.

**Geniusatwork:** And... stop talking.

oOo

**Topic:**** Phew  
Posted by: Shep  
Name: John Sheppard  
Posted: 09-15-09  
Poll: Why didn't anyone notice the splash when we landed in the bay of San Francisco?  
**_**Results up to now: They weren't looking; 3 votes / They thought it was a whale; 6 votes / They **__**did** __**notice and are about to seize Atlantis; 69 votes **_

**Shep: **We've stopped the Hive, we're back on Earth and, most importantly, we're still alive. I think now's the time to say 'phew'.

**Geniusatwork:** If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were getting emotional on us.

**Shep:** You know me better than that.

**YoursTruly: **It is good to still be able to watch you two interact, John and Rodney.

**DeX:** It's good to still be able to _breathe_…

**Technilia:** I'm glad you're still alive, Ronon…

**DeX:** Yeah, me too, Amelia.

**Geniusatwork:** Huh? When did Ronon and Banks start hooking up?

**IwearGLassEs****: **Rodney… You are an idiot.

**Scotty: **Aye.

**DeX: **Yeah.

**Geniusatwork:** What?

oOo

**Topic:**** So… what now?  
Posted by: LoOrne  
Name: Evan Lorne  
Posted: 09-16-09  
Poll: We should go back to Pegasus  
**_**Results up to now: Yes; 205 votes / No; 3 votes **_

**LoOrne: **Okay… so we're still alive, and we're back on earth. Question is: what happens now?

**Shep:** We fly back to the Pegasus Galaxy.

**Dick:** I am not so sure about that, Colonel. The IOA has taken the matter into consideration, but I don't think they'll give us permission to return.

**Shep:** Who says we need permission? Look, I can fly this city back to the Pegasus Galaxy. Once in Pegasus, Rodney and his scientists will fix every technical problem we might run into. Chuck and Amelia will be there to raise the shield when unwanted guests try to enter the city. If they penetrate our shield; Teyla, Ronon and the military will be more than capable of defending Atlantis against the enemy. Besides, Carson and Jennifer can cure the wounded afterwards. _You _can… cheer us on, and Caldwell can come visit us with new supplies every now and then. I don't see the problem here.

**LoOrne:** Well, when you put it like that…

**Cadgirl****:** It sounds like we're all set to go.

**YoursTruly:** I am willing to assist in taking back this city to the Pegasus galaxy.

**DeX:** Yeah, me, too.

**ChuckDuck:** Come on, guys. Let's go back.

**IwearGLassEs**: Er… All right. I will come, too.

**Firefly:** I think the people in the Pegasus Galaxy still need our help.

**Scotty:** Aye, I'm in favor of returning, too.

**Technilia:** I'm in.

**Caldwelll:** I'll help.

**Dick:** Colonel Caldwell?!

**Caldwelll:** Look, some things… you just have to do.

**Scotty:** Elizabeth would've done it, Woolsey. She went back to Pegasus to save the city two years ago, when the Replicators took over Atlantis.

**Dick:** All right, all right. Just… Let me _think _about this.

**Shep:** Speaking of Elizabeth...

**Geniusatwork: **She's still in the Pegasus Galaxy, too...

**Dick: **You're not suggesting...

**Shep: **We are.

**Dick:** Amelia?

**Technilia:** Yes, sir?

**Dick:** Raise the shield. It looks like we're going home.

--(0)--  
**The end**

**Author's Note:** I'd like to thank everyone who's read and reviewed this story over the past few years. I hope the topics were as as fun to read as they were to write. Thanks for making it to the final chapter, I'm glad you thought it was worth the read.

~Jammeke


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